a relic from the past.

I wrote this back in senior year...this was the essay I submitted alongside my application form to the Ateneo de Manila University.

There could never be anyone like me.

I just want to make some things clear first. I do not allege to be guided by the 5 C’s that are expected of every Ateneo de Manila High School graduate. Nor do I claim to be an advocate of anything that may seem too theoretical for this world to comprehend.

What I do profess to be, however, is who I am now, because of the things that define my very existence.

All these years, I’ve found myself to be the butt of endless jokes. I would be the one who’d suffer in silence almost everyday, just having to face a whole class, knowing that I would get hounded on endlessly till the day’s end. The jokes played on me… well, they’re not as innocent as they seem. Believe me, it doesn’t feel good to be Claude Dietrich P. Yumul from the class of 4-I at all, considering that from the moment I step on the floors of my classroom, I already am welcomed with endless strings of below-the-belt misdemeanor, which may very well serve as a morning greeting. For once, I’ve found myself shattered to pieces by these because I wasn’t prepared to face them. I was their loser.

So what’s the significance of these jokes that I really have to type it all down here, when all that these have caused me are pain, suffering, and a near-loss of self-respect? Well, I may have had to learn the hard way, but it sure made a stronger, wiser, more resolved person out of me. I once had none of these things that I claim to possess, but because of all the pain I had to endure every single day, I learned to discern between the true friends and those who think of me as a friend with benefits, be more opinionated, and keep a stronger temperament.

Admittedly I have been tempted to surrender and give up the fight one time too many to recall, but deep inside me is a fire burning, burdening me to go on, lifting me up in my sorrow. And the very things that keep that fire ablaze are what keep me from losing myself in the fight: the faith I live up to, the passion I carry around my shoulders, and the integrity that keeps my feet planted on solid ground.

I don’t think I need to elaborate as to how important faith is to me. It is a sad fact that none, if not few, really take it seriously. I may stumble a lot like most of us all do every now and then, but it is what keeps me going on and trying with all efforts to stay alive and kicking. I’m nothing without His love sustaining me.

If there’s anything I’m most passionate about, it would be rising up to the challenges of a leader. When no one would step up to take on the pressures of leading a team, especially in class projects, it would seem as if it’s of second nature to me, a reflex if one wishes, to take the reins and steer the wheel, giving direction to my team’s progress.

It is a must for me to always keep my feet planted on solid ground. Ever since after grade school I made it my goal to keep my integrity intact, correcting every wrong thing done, gaining and not losing any of the values which my parents have instilled in me all these years. The friends I keep, the songs I write, the music my soul adheres to speak of the values I claim to have and carry on.

My mind simply cannot comprehend how I would have been able to survive without these three essentials in my life. Without my faith I would have sunken deeper into a whirlpool which I know I may not be able to surpass. Without passion I wouldn’t have accomplished anything, from honing my musical inclinations to finding my true friends. Without integrity I would have lost both my own identity and my self-respect so long ago. An idea too perfect like the 5 C’s could never define the imperfect soul that I am. I may be only human, but I too yearn to strive, to live, to love life in all its simplicity.

I am all of me."

I just took a look at it again after a long time, and along with it came this realization: shit, man, I'm still bitter towards my high school classmates. Tangina mehn!

Rivermaya: Bagong Liwanag

I think it's high time that I break the silence this blog has been having for the longest time. To say that I've been doing a lot of soul-searching might be a good excuse, but nevertheless it won't be accepted. After all, it is still schoolwork here.

Things have been rather different and quite the same ever since Rivermaya started holding auditions for their new member/s. The usual "go for it!" and "kaya mo yan!" have been filling my ears from everywhere - family, friends, blockmates, heck, even professors...not that I mind, though. It's just that, all of a sudden people here and there gave me 5 minutes of their time to wish me luck.

It's a totally competitive field. This, I felt even before the August. 24 audition began. As early as 8:30am I was already lined up to et my number and registration form. Dad told me that I should expect detractors and people who'd say lots of crap, but, instead of that, I found a great environment, with great people and great talent, all willing to gather, not just to be handpicked as the next bandmate of Mike Elgar, Japs Sergio and Mark Escueta, but simply, in the name of music and all things creative.

Let's keep the story brief. I made it in the top 75 (I was given the 11th vocalist finalist pass by Francis Reyes of The Dawn and NU107.=D) in the first audition days, but didn't make it to the final 12 in the semifinals. Still, something to be thankful for would be that I made it to the semis. After all, it is Rivermaya, and there were 400+ who auditioned during the UP auditions. There's no reason for me to be bitter (like some of my co-finalists felt after they weren't picked for the 24 to be skinned alive as the final 12), because I know there's a reason why. And that reason, I gladly acknowledge, and accept with arms wide open. On top of it all, I know that I have a family to come home to and celebrate with, and a love who never left my side whenever it mattered the most.

"I'll kiss you if you make it, and I'll kiss you even if you don't."