time goes by as fast as it came...

who would have thought that the father i came to know as strong, macho, and sometimes harsh yet love so dearly will actually just walk into my room with tears in his eyes?

for one thing, i didn't.

never in my wildest dreams did i ever even think that it could happen, but it did.

he just came into my room with eyes that are on the verge of tears, saying, "anak, i just want to share something with you."

then the letters were revealed.

these 2 letters, the only ones my grandma, his mom, wrote to him back when he was in the seminary..(for those of you who didn't know, yes, my dad is an ex-seminarista.. but this was waaaaay back pa..) he then goes on by saying that "wala nang papantay sa pagmamahal ng isang ina para sa kanyang mga anak," while letting me read her letters.. and during this whole time i could only read and see tears flowing from his eyes..

"you miss her a lot, don't you, dad?"
"i do, anak.. i do.."

then the tears just keep flowing.. i couldn't stop him.. i didn't dare stop him.. this was the first time i ever saw him like that.. melancholic.. nangungulila..

i'm effing lucky my mum's very much alive and always kicking, hearing her nag us whenever we do our share of kabalbalan and kagaguhan, hearing her tell us that she loves us... even though i do not show my mum my emotions, most especially how i feel whenever she tells me that she loves me, it never fails to hit me... seeing her be the one working every summer and singlehandedly raising a hundred thousand bucks for enrollment cash back in our grade school heydays, bearing with dad's horrific temper, and all that.. it's been quite a long time since i last told mom that i love her, let alone thanked her for all the sacrifices she freely chose to do just so that Kurt and I can have great childhood and teenage years..

then dad says this:
"anak don't neglect the moments na sinasabi ng mama nyo na mahal nya kayo.. you're very lucky 'cause you can still hear her tell you that.. ako, hanggang tingin na lang sa mga sulat ng lola nyo..."

my dad will never get to hear my grandma's voice... she died years ago, back when i was in Grade 3.. well, maybe in his dreams she's rocking him gently and singing songs and lullabyes to him whom my grandma loved most dearly and, if i may say so myself, was the apple of her eyes among them..

"dearest son, i love you very very very very and very much.."
- from a mother to the son that is my dad