what if...

i just can't help but ponder on the things that have been happening in my life... well...

things got only worse than it started out.. it became more of an entrapment than a web of trouble.. as it is, it's not getting any better, and i've come to this part of the road i never even dreamt of crossing...

i hafta choose.

to tell you honestly i have NO idea what to do.. i got caught in the middle of something that could have been prevented, but was chosen to happen.. not that i had nothing to do with it, which i do have little, since i was the one who invited one and let go of the other, knowing well that the latter might not be allowed to go, since i only learned of the cancellation of plans the day before Tim's big night, that is, his self-produced battle of the girl bands..

you want to have it straight? okay.. i'm torn between making an unusual decision for the one that i love most dearly and standing by a friendship that in so short a time has been so important to me.. i'm afraid to lose both of them.. if i choose to do one i'll lose the other end of the pole.. it's a no-win situation here, although i'd like to think that "things aren't always as bad as they seem," as my good friend Cooks Araneta told me last night..

i don't know.. i don't know what to do, feel, or even think.. this is about to become too much to bear for me.. maybe i should just quietly slip away into oblivion, as i always did before.. it's an easy way out, that's for sure... but.. this is different.. running away would mean that i don't know how to deal with it... but how will, let alone how can i deal with this?

i'm breaking down slowly but surely.. the crossroad i'm faced with has put me into this state wherein i don't know where to go, who to run to or help, even what to feel.. it's getting the best of me, and i've begun to lose my grip.. this is killing me.. if only i didn't make that mistake, then this wouldn't have happened.. if i hadn't done that friendships wouldn't be on the line.. not that im trying to inflicting self-pity upon myself but this is how i really feel about this thing..

behold, Tricco, the road you have chosen to take.. it has been divided into two parts... choose one, and you can never go back to pass thru the other one..

i am dying.. i don't know how to choose.. it's too much. for just a short moment i am not going to be tinkerbell.. im going to be Trix until this is settled..

if it gets settled even..