recollections from the past life.

im no longer using the 'bleem' i used to have in my livejournal and in my multiply diary, primariliy because it's been the longest time now since i last used any of those 2 previous diaries.. i don't use my lj anymore - well, except for whenever i make a comment to some friends' posts and stuff.. and my multiply diary, not so much anymore..

if Mark never found the answer to his question, why i betrayed him, the same goes for me, except that my question is:

"bat ako naging tanga by taking the girl he loves from him back then?"

yes, it happened back in 7th grade.. it cost me a lot of things - my newfound reputation as the batch loser, being hounded by that bastard Jose Antonio Vergel de Dios (and i swear i will NEVER stoop down to his level of insecurity..asshole.) for no apparent reason till the eve of gradution, among other things..

most important of all, i lost Mark.. my bestfriend for so many years.. all because i followed what the heart told me.. but is it really the heart that dictated me to inflict the most painful stab, just like Julius Caesar being stabbed last by Brutus, who was considered Caesar's best friend? or is it more of the hyped emotion? i guess i'll never find out.. the point is that it became true with myself and Mark, that your best friend can become your worst enemy.. i deserved all the treatment i got.. from him, from my batchmates, later on from her.. yes, from her..

i have long feared that my sins would come and visit me.. this line's from The Patriot starring Mel Gibson... yes, i also fear that the day would come when it would take its toll on me..

and i still cry about what i did to Mark... i never got over the fact that i was the one who destroyed everything.. ive never quite forgiven myself for that.. i know he's still having bitterness about it, and i dnt blame him...

sana hindi to maging isang napakalaking turn off...

tink out.