the batcave studio journal

it's been so long...

2008-07-16T23:15:00.004+08:00

I haven't posted anything in this blog for the longest time... but hey, once i do, i know for a fact that there's something substantial.

So we were asked to do two papers in my English 102 class, one about a personal experience, and the other on any topic we would like to write about. I decided to write on the song, "Sleep," by Rivermaya, and how this song greatly affected my emotions during those trying times. This, while the song plays in my media player on repeat, for inspiration.

Here is what i wrote.

Some people can really tap into one’s inner sanctum without really intending to do so, without even trying to do so, even without meaning to do so. Some people just do. Whether in the form of something as simple as one’s pat on the shoulder to something as big as proposing marriage in the most romantic way possible, people really just have their own ways of being able to touch others’ lives.

In mine, Mark Escueta is one such person.

To the long-time listener/musician/fan, myself being all of the above, one will unflinchingly recognize Mark Escueta as the drummer of the band Rivermaya, completing the lineup comprising of Japs Sergio on bass and vocals, Mike Elgar on lead guitar, vocals and keyboards, and newest member Jayson Fernandez on rhythm guitar and lead vocals. These guys have been writing and performing songs for both the fans and the plain listeners, with one song or another from their colorful discography having different effects on the emotions of each and everyone. And taking this on a more personal level, that one song that made the most impact on my emotional palette was the song, “Sleep,” from the band’s latest album, “Buhay.” The song, written by Mark Escueta, talks about the first night after a couple’s big break up, from the point of view of the male persona. It speaks of the loneliness, the melancholy that he feels, now that he lost the one person he treasures and cherishes the most; no matter where he would go, he would find traces of her.

What’s funny is that the first time I heard this song, I actually liked it; it wasn’t the typical Rivermaya song with all the distorted guitars, or with the pounding bass lines, all those things. Instead, I found a song that was so fresh, so simple but still full of flavor and emotion. As a matter of fact, one would mistake it for a foreign artist’s song if he didn’t know Rivermaya. Little did I know that hearing and loving this song would become a premonition; you see, about two months after hearing the song, I ended a 2-year relationship, the most painful I had to go through. And somewhere down the road I found myself browsing through my vast collection of music CD’s, and, as if there was some strange voice directing me, I took out that Rivermaya CD, and went straight to its last track, and as that familiar acoustic guitar started ringing, I felt shivers down my spine, and eventually, I found myself in tears. I was in immense pain, and I couldn’t bear it; she was my first love, and because even our friendship became so sour, we had to cut everything that bonded us together – saved cellphone and landline numbers, Yahoo Messenger connections, even Friendster and Multiply connections – severing whatever was left of the once-beautiful friendship we shared.

As it may already be evident in my writing, it was this song that got me through all the pain, all the sleepless nights, and most importantly, those lonely hours I would keep to myself and refrain myself from shedding tears, as I constantly said to myself that she’s not worth the crying. I had the chance to tell Mark all this, and in that short meeting I was able to tell him and show him how grateful I am that he wrote this song, and that it made the cut for the record… at least, I’d like to think that I was able to do that.

At the end of all these things, I could only say few words that would completely express the gratitude I feel. And everything else I need to say to him would be greatly reflected in these words:

“Thank you, Mark Escueta! You saved me!”

So there.

Right after typing the last period, I suddenly remembered that one conversation Jamon and I had where he realized not just how much I loved Kim during the time we were together, but that i simply loved her. I'm not even flinching as I say this, because it's the truth. I loved her with all my heart, mind, and soul, but in the end, it became pointless. Everything I - or maybe we - worked so hard for crumbled just like that after 2 years.

But you know what? I'm not even regretting anything. I'm not regretting getting together with her, waiting for her, and only knowing a month too late that I was lied to. I wouldn't have grown this much if all these things didn't happen. It didn't make me any intelligent, but, fuck, it sure made me a stronger person, a better man than what I was 2 years ago.

In the end, one would realize that intelligence isn't everything. Most of the time, it's the heart that gets you through the toughest of times. After all, what use would intelligence serve one if he doesn't have the heart? I know mine got me through, and it took only that conversation, as well as my Eng 102 paper, to remind me that I've got a heart.

And I'd like to think that I have a big heart, just like what Jamon and Kurt told me that one summer afternoon the 3 of us jammed, ate together, and ranted about the loves of our lives at Jamon's house.

a relic from the past.

2007-09-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

I wrote this back in senior year...this was the essay I submitted alongside my application form to the Ateneo de Manila University.

There could never be anyone like me.

I just want to make some things clear first. I do not allege to be guided by the 5 C’s that are expected of every Ateneo de Manila High School graduate. Nor do I claim to be an advocate of anything that may seem too theoretical for this world to comprehend.

What I do profess to be, however, is who I am now, because of the things that define my very existence.

All these years, I’ve found myself to be the butt of endless jokes. I would be the one who’d suffer in silence almost everyday, just having to face a whole class, knowing that I would get hounded on endlessly till the day’s end. The jokes played on me… well, they’re not as innocent as they seem. Believe me, it doesn’t feel good to be Claude Dietrich P. Yumul from the class of 4-I at all, considering that from the moment I step on the floors of my classroom, I already am welcomed with endless strings of below-the-belt misdemeanor, which may very well serve as a morning greeting. For once, I’ve found myself shattered to pieces by these because I wasn’t prepared to face them. I was their loser.

So what’s the significance of these jokes that I really have to type it all down here, when all that these have caused me are pain, suffering, and a near-loss of self-respect? Well, I may have had to learn the hard way, but it sure made a stronger, wiser, more resolved person out of me. I once had none of these things that I claim to possess, but because of all the pain I had to endure every single day, I learned to discern between the true friends and those who think of me as a friend with benefits, be more opinionated, and keep a stronger temperament.

Admittedly I have been tempted to surrender and give up the fight one time too many to recall, but deep inside me is a fire burning, burdening me to go on, lifting me up in my sorrow. And the very things that keep that fire ablaze are what keep me from losing myself in the fight: the faith I live up to, the passion I carry around my shoulders, and the integrity that keeps my feet planted on solid ground.

I don’t think I need to elaborate as to how important faith is to me. It is a sad fact that none, if not few, really take it seriously. I may stumble a lot like most of us all do every now and then, but it is what keeps me going on and trying with all efforts to stay alive and kicking. I’m nothing without His love sustaining me.

If there’s anything I’m most passionate about, it would be rising up to the challenges of a leader. When no one would step up to take on the pressures of leading a team, especially in class projects, it would seem as if it’s of second nature to me, a reflex if one wishes, to take the reins and steer the wheel, giving direction to my team’s progress.

It is a must for me to always keep my feet planted on solid ground. Ever since after grade school I made it my goal to keep my integrity intact, correcting every wrong thing done, gaining and not losing any of the values which my parents have instilled in me all these years. The friends I keep, the songs I write, the music my soul adheres to speak of the values I claim to have and carry on.

My mind simply cannot comprehend how I would have been able to survive without these three essentials in my life. Without my faith I would have sunken deeper into a whirlpool which I know I may not be able to surpass. Without passion I wouldn’t have accomplished anything, from honing my musical inclinations to finding my true friends. Without integrity I would have lost both my own identity and my self-respect so long ago. An idea too perfect like the 5 C’s could never define the imperfect soul that I am. I may be only human, but I too yearn to strive, to live, to love life in all its simplicity.

I am all of me."

I just took a look at it again after a long time, and along with it came this realization: shit, man, I'm still bitter towards my high school classmates. Tangina mehn!

Rivermaya: Bagong Liwanag

2007-09-01T09:12:00.000+08:00

I think it's high time that I break the silence this blog has been having for the longest time. To say that I've been doing a lot of soul-searching might be a good excuse, but nevertheless it won't be accepted. After all, it is still schoolwork here.

Things have been rather different and quite the same ever since Rivermaya started holding auditions for their new member/s. The usual "go for it!" and "kaya mo yan!" have been filling my ears from everywhere - family, friends, blockmates, heck, even professors...not that I mind, though. It's just that, all of a sudden people here and there gave me 5 minutes of their time to wish me luck.

It's a totally competitive field. This, I felt even before the August. 24 audition began. As early as 8:30am I was already lined up to et my number and registration form. Dad told me that I should expect detractors and people who'd say lots of crap, but, instead of that, I found a great environment, with great people and great talent, all willing to gather, not just to be handpicked as the next bandmate of Mike Elgar, Japs Sergio and Mark Escueta, but simply, in the name of music and all things creative.

Let's keep the story brief. I made it in the top 75 (I was given the 11th vocalist finalist pass by Francis Reyes of The Dawn and NU107.=D) in the first audition days, but didn't make it to the final 12 in the semifinals. Still, something to be thankful for would be that I made it to the semis. After all, it is Rivermaya, and there were 400+ who auditioned during the UP auditions. There's no reason for me to be bitter (like some of my co-finalists felt after they weren't picked for the 24 to be skinned alive as the final 12), because I know there's a reason why. And that reason, I gladly acknowledge, and accept with arms wide open. On top of it all, I know that I have a family to come home to and celebrate with, and a love who never left my side whenever it mattered the most.

"I'll kiss you if you make it, and I'll kiss you even if you don't."

Sarap Ka-Greenwich, up to sawa.

2007-07-15T10:21:00.000+08:00

Pretty senseless for a philo blog post huh? well, here's a video that could spice things up, so everyone could understand why the title of my post for this week is such.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-7UwYyGucM

Yes, I know, it's a commercial for some fast food joint. It's not with the commercial, however; it's with the song. It talks about a way of life that's predominant among us youth - barkadahan, bonding, tambayan, what ever name you may wish to call it. It's something we all get to have a taste of not just once in a while, but everyday. Sa school na nga lang eh. Doon pa lang makikita na kung paano magbarkadahan ang mga tao eh..

Bakit ganun? Sabi ni Ser Brazal...

2007-07-08T12:41:00.000+08:00

...kapag barado ang puso, barado rin ang utak.

Tulad ngayon...hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito nararamdaman ko, kaya mabigat pakiramdam ng puso ko. Hindi ako tuloy makapag-isip nang kung anong matinong pwede kong maisulat dito.

"It does not have to be pretentious..." ang sabi ng aming butihing propesor sa pilosopiya.

Kaya ngayon, nagpapakatotoo ako.

Oo, namimiss ko sya, sobra sobra na nga eh, pero wala rin naman akong magawa, kasi malayo siya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung walang katuturan ang pagdadahilan ko na nangungulila ako sa kanya, na hinahanap-hanap ko siya sa tuwina, kaya wala akong maisip na maisulat.

Ay...may nasulat ako. Magaling.

trials and rejoicing

2007-07-01T10:03:00.000+08:00

Early Sunday morning I find myself blog hopping like I always do, and I found quite an interesting piece of "learning" (if it may be called as such) from my former discipler's (and bosom friend) blog. Thank you Chuck Araneta for posting this.

I found this scribbled on the table i sit in during Philo class. panalo!

Buti pa ang birthday... happy
buti pa ang bola... sinasalo
buti pa ang philo... meron (hahaha panalo 'to!!)
buti pa ang kalendaryo... may date.

AND FINALLY

Buti pa ang bulalo....

MAY UTAK.

BOW.

...tama, don't you think?

Philo posts start here

2007-06-24T09:43:00.000+08:00

A baptism of fire, may I say, is this blog entry of mine. This is primarily because this is the first time I'm to actually post something that is part of the requirements for any class. Yes, this is a required post - it's for Philo class, as prompted by the title so that my prof won't get lost in my ages-old blog - , so I actually have to do this.

Not that I don't like it though; I think this is a great way to stimulate my mind, to keep me from not thinking, and actually getting dumber and dumber in the process.

So, what's there to start with?

"Bakit kaya lahat ng tao ganun? Kapag wala ang isang bagay, hinahanap niya ito. Kapag nandiyan na, parang ayaw na niya o kaya di na napapansin. Noong bakasyon kasi, gusto ko na pumasok. Pero ngayong malapit na ang pasukan, ayaw ko na."

- http://hannah08.blogspot.com

Come to think of it, my friend is right. When we long/want something, be it an inanimate object, a concept, heck, even persons, we want it so bad that we do not cease looking for it; but, when we have found that thing that drove us to make all those sacrifices to get where we would be after, the longing just fades away. Why is that? Is it because at the end of the road we find ourselves too tired to enjoy the delayed gratification? Or is it because we find ourselves losing it after we get there? Maybe it's because we don't care anymore? I don't know. The reason varies from person to person. Whatever reason we may/might have, only we will truly know.

something i wrote for Filipino class...

2007-03-02T19:53:00.000+08:00

i am not going to disclose in any way the grounds for why i wrote this for filipino class, but if you get to read it, you might get shocked. i know because one of my best friends in class got totally shocked while reading this. i will not put any names either, to protect myself from getting my ass kicked...so here goes.

"Sa Inyo..."

Rizal, Tom & Jerry, Abdul-Jabbar, Poknat at Bokbok, etc, etc...

Sa inyong mga putang ina kayo
Na nambabato ng "peebols" at "noodools" (pebbles at noodles)
Pagpalain sana kayo sa panghihindot
Mainom n'yo sana ang tamod ng tatay n'yo

Ricardo, Dee Dee, X, Rosauro...

Sa inyong mga kakosa't kahuthutan
Na sa hirap at sarap ako'y dinamayan
Mga kagaguhan nati't katarantaduhan
Sa puso'y nakatatak, itatago kailanman

music has never been this sweeter...

2007-01-21T10:43:00.000+08:00

... or is it bittersweet?

last night proved to be one of those rare moments wherein one can say to himself that for once one was part of something great.

ever since the break i've been practicing with my Jobim's band for this gig which a mutual friend gave them. of course this meant i was to do session work again. they took me in as their bassist for that particular gig. somewhere in the middle of the road i learned that Aldrich was going to migrate to Canada in this summer. without having to say anything i knew that this gig was going to matter to him, to Jobim, and to Isaiah, because this was the last time the three of them would take arms and play music for their friends, and themselves.

and it would matter to me, as well...after all, Aldrich is my friend, too.

yesterday was the summit of all our 2-4 hour practices at Circus Studio Loyola Heights (aka Jim Paredes' house).

it was our last practice before we finally hit the stage. with a 1-3:30 sked, we did everything we could to make our set a great one... even to the point of learning to play a fourth song for our 20-minute set on the fly! well, all this, while Jobim's girlfriend took pictures of us with Aldrich's cam.

we hit the road 3:45, but not before having a little time to buy dirty ice cream for everyone (deeelish!).

let's just fast forward to the main event...

after some technical difficulties we warmed the audience up and went on to play one of the best ever gigs i've been in... not because we played what Jobim "real" music, the likenesses of Bamboo, P.O.T., and Dave Matthews, among others, but because i took arms with my friends for the first time. they weren't a manufactured band created to be famous; they were just friends who wanted to play music together for their other friends (Danah and Stacy Gutierrez *ahem!*). and on top of that, they took me in to help them in that kick-ass set we had last night.

on the way home i got this message from Jobim:

"Phenomenal job tonight, guys. We had the most connection with the audience, we were the most memorable. It was a pleasure and an honor working with all of you. It's a shame it had to be our first and last time."

a bottle raised to that.

now i want to thank them...

Jobim - what can i say? working with you was one of the best things i've done. i expected much, and you delivered more than what i was hoping for.

Isaiah - meeting you is one of the best parts of being with you guys onstage! salamat sa paghatid sa'kin pauwi kagabi!

Aldrich - i'll always be grateful that you tapped me to do bass for you guys. great to be part of the good times you'll be remembering once you've set foot in Canada.

and to you good friends, who are collectively known as Almost Heroes, it's been an honor and my greatest pleasure to have shared last night's stage at Colegio de Sta. Rosa with you, playing good and sound music.

things to be thankful for this Christmas...

2006-12-24T23:11:00.000+08:00

1. that i'm very much alive and somehow still kicking...

2. the family i come home after a hard day's...night. harhar. seriosly though..

3. the friends who're always there in good and bad times.. the ones who despite being irritated by myself at times, still choose to bear with me/stick with me...

4. the many things that make a relationship colorful - house visits, text messages, the phonecalls that would last until the wee hours of the morning, sweet nothing moments, heck, even the fights that could make or break, but most of the time make a couple stronger and wiser...

5. gifts! sa mga nagbigay, salamat nang marami! sa mga hindi nakapagbigay, ayos na kahit pagbati lang..XD

6. baby ko... loving her is like an emotional roller coaster... there's hurt, there's happiness, and all the other things in between, all of which leading me to love her more by the second..

7. my pinsan... alam ko paskong pasko may fit tayo ni Kim pero sana makapag-usap na tayo ulet nang maayos... sorry sa kanina ha, nadala lang ako...

8. My Lord... i haven't been quite a good son to Him, and i know that He knows that.. but despite that, he keeps surprises up His sleeve for me to grow and learn...

Merry Christmas to you all. May we all never forget the true meaning of the celebration.
mahal ko kayo.

ciao.

spur of the moment kind of thing...

2006-12-09T23:57:00.002+08:00

wrote this last night while on the phone. could closely resemble a bit of John Mayer of you hear it..

Watching that clock hit 1:30
Let time pass by me
Night fading slowly
While I'm kicking back here while I'm miles away

Listening to you breathing
As you lay sleeping
With thesun slowly shinging
With some light and "good morning, I love you"

To watch you through the night is all that I'd do
To catch you in your dream fall is my dream come true

Ch
Let me lay down, down with the quiet
The quiet that I've found, found in the woman
The woman who let me give, give my life, heart, and mind

The clock just hit 2:30
It's already Sunday
Or is it just Saturday
I guess time don't matter much this time

Just let me stay and hold you tight
And whispering words of lullabyes
And should you wake before me, you'll feel that heart skipping beats
Then you'll find that through the night
You and I have taken flight

Ch
Let me lay down, down with the quiet
The quiet that I've found, found in the woman
The woman who let me give, give my life, heart, and mind
And when I should wake you
Let me stay for you, with you and by you
Kiss you and hold you
And tell you how much I love you

- 2:45 am

starstruck

2006-11-04T11:51:00.000+08:00

"triccy--reach out top [sic] your dad. All our loved ones, and us are only on borrowed time. It's always a good time to show love."

---> Jim Paredes' reply to my comment on his most recent post.

who would've thought huh? for certain, i didn't.

Jim Paredes actually replied to my comment. haha!

i can't believe it, but it's true..

Jim Paredes... man of the APO Hiking Society...headmaster of Pinoy Dream Academy...father to a former AGS Guitar Club mate...

...he really replied! oh my!!

hehehe.

pardon my being starstruck for the moment, i've always wanted to meet this guy ever since i started watching Sa Linggo nAPO Sila, which later on became 'Sang Linggo nAPO Sila... hahaha!

i bet Jobim Paolo Javier's gonna be laughing his ass off if he gets to see this. after all, he IS Danny Javier's son. haha!

wala nang patumpik-tumpik.

2006-11-03T20:30:00.000+08:00

hindi ko alam kung bakit ganitong oras na ng gabi, wala pa akong nakukuhang kahit ano.

i don't know why...

iniiwasan ba nya ako or something?

i sure hope not..

i just hope she's ok right now..

i hope she didn't get into any trouble or anything, because of me or whatever.

it's really killing me man.

thank you, Sir Jim Paredes.

2006-11-02T19:11:00.000+08:00

"Dear Sir Jim,

This is my first time to bump into your blog by chance, and may i say that i am now a big fan, not only of your music, but also of your writing.

I would like to say that I have never seen anyone write about his parents so lovingly the way I think you did. Reading your thoughts on this post made me remember all those times when my own dad would "just know" that something was hurting me, and he'd gently talk me into sharing with him my thoughts, and give me a pat on my shoulder, as if trying to say, "it's all right son, I'm here."

Cherishing my father is the one thing I haven't done for the last few years, to be honest, and I think I know it's going to hurt him if I told him so. I slowly realized my negligence of him as I celebrated my 18th birthday just last September. I thought that that feeling would just come and go like all those other emotions, but this one lingered. And now that I've read your entry, my dad telling myself and my girlfriend that "everything is temporal" came back echoing in my mind, now realizing that there are no exceptions to that saying, not even my own dad.

Thank you for posting this entry sir. I am truly grateful for teaching me again to cherish my dad."

-----> my comment to Jim Paredes' post.

"wag mo sasabihin kay ate na sinabi ko sayo!"

2006-10-02T17:36:00.000+08:00

this totally made my day.. hehehe..

about an hour before the bandfest started i found myself walking outside the auditorium to get myself a drink... well, i got that, and Nikki's company along with her friend, too.

to make the long story short the best surprise of my life came when Nikki told me that Kim was gonna make it to my gig. i swear i couldn't stop jumping for joy, cuz my only birthday wish came true.. seriously.

after that i excused myself to go backstage where i lost all signs of poise and composure; i was jumping all over the place.

to pump more adrenalin - i suppose - i went back to the line near the auditorium entrance to look for Nikki and ask if she was there already.. but lo and behold, instead of seeing only Nikki, i saw Inez, Sebb, Joao.. aaaaand... a certain person facing Inez wearing brown stripes. i need not see the face, because i can tell from the way her hair falls...

my only wish came true... Kim made it.

i almost wasn't able to hold the excitement back, but i knew i had to, so i told Inez to not tell Kim i saw them na, then i headed backstage again and celebrated.. hehehe.

.........come my set.........

they were all expecting me to go up from stage left, but i went in stage right, primarily 'cuz the guitar i was to use was on stage right, therefore leaving my entrance unexpected by the hosts.. a little interview here, shoutout there...shoutout na yan. tama ba naman na sumakto sakin na yung shoutout nila para sakin eh "i love you____" tapos kelangan talaga someone, hindi something.XD well, to play it safe i said i was gonna do that shoutout after the 1st song...

"Man on the Side"
words and lyrics by John Mayer

Six numbers
One more to dial
Before I'm before you

I tried to call
Been busy all night
Gave up waiting at daylight

Excuse me Mrs. busybody
Could you pencil me in when you can?
Though we both know
That the worst part about it
Is I would be free when you wanted me
If you wanted me

Oh, I am the man on the side
Hoping you'll make up your mind
I am the one who will swallow his pride
Life as the man on the side

One of the many
But one of the few
To stand back and wait for you

Excuse me Mrs. busybody
Could you pencil me in when you can?
Though we both know that the worst part about it
Is I won't be free when you wanted me
If you wanted me
If you wanted me

Oh, I am the man on the side
Hoping you'll make up your mind
I am the one who will swallow his pride
Life as the man on the side
Life as the man on the side

I fell in love with a dream that I built of you
Playing the part of the queen
Taking my own advice
I'm giving up tonight
Good luck to you and the king

Excuse me Mrs. busybody
Could you pencil me in?
Though we both know that the worst part about it
Is I would be free when you wanted me
If you wanted me
If you wanted me

I am the man on the side
Hoping you'll make up your mind
I am the one who will swallow his pride
Life as the man
You know life as the man
Living life as the man on the side

tapos... o ayan na! back to okray session again.. hehehe.... to play it safe i just said, "kung sino man yung taong nasa shoutout ko alam na nya kung sino sya.." but when the hosts weren't looking i looked at her straight in her eyes.. and mouthed the shoutout.

but then again one saw, and made a big fuss about it.. haha. tuloy, pati sila Inez, Joao, Sebb chka Nikki pinagtututuro si Kim sa mga hosts.. hahaha. i remember it nga eh.. they were all shouting "naka-stripes!" wala lang... very funny. 2nd song...

"Why Georgia" by John Mayer.....

tapos alis na ako sa stage.. and sat beside Kim.. walked out of the auditorium with Inez, Joao and Sebb.. then they left, giving me the time to spend the rest of the day with my love, her sister, and later on dinner with her whole family.

case closed.

i'm just...

2006-09-26T11:01:00.000+08:00

a little bit older.

shet pare 18 na ako! wahahahaha!

wala lang...

for one thing tama silang lahat...

wala lang mag-18. hehehe..

i guess there's no taking it by storm huh... cuz it's already here.

and i couldn't have welcomed it any better than by spending the first few hours of this day's morning with an angel...=)

i guess, even if the dinner won't push through later... i still got what i wanted.

=)

sabaw....

2006-08-24T22:34:00.000+08:00

ang utak ko ngayon.

i had to record something all afternoon and then finish up our requirement for my group's year investigatory project... naknamf..

i started working around 6:30... check the time and it's now....turning 10:40pm... chatting with my cousin, and waiting for Kim's reply (asar-tado ako sa globe ngayon... anlakas mag-lag.).. oh well.. i'm still to eat dinner... asaaaaaar.....

buti na lang CAT exam na bukas... para matapos na... tapos exam week na next week, para matapos na! ang pangit ng jumpstart ko this year.... pero sana kayanin bumawi sa 2nd term.

o sha sha.. kakain na ako. gutom na talaga ako pare...

sana hindi na mag-lag... asar na asar na ako eh.

so much for a Sunday morning...

2006-08-20T10:28:00.000+08:00

sige na blame it all on us.

para naman kasing hindi rin ikaw nakakawala ngsarili mong gamit eh.

ano yan, naghahanap ka ng butas para pagtakpan yung pagkukulang mo sa pag-aalaga sa mga gamit mo?

we don't touch your tools, man, what gave you the right to say na lagi na lang namin nawawala?

we always put them back in their proper places, it's YOU, not us.

ikaw din naman gumagawa ng sarili mong sakit sa ulo pare eh...

you wanna know something else? wala nang time na hindi mo kami sinisi.
sa bagay.. baka nakikita mo lang sarili mo sa'ming lahat. hahaha.. truth hurts huh?

kaya nga hindi mo matake eh... hehehe...XD

sige...

wag mo na kami pahiramin kahit kailan as you put it.

as if naman kailangan namin.

come to think of it... sige, wag mo na kami pahiramin ng kahit anong gamit mo ha dad?

that way wala kang ibang pwedeng sisihin kundi sarili mo.

F pare!!!

so much for a Sunday morning.

*evil laugh*

if i danced under the rain...

2006-07-08T10:48:00.000+08:00

would angels fall down?

XD

and today.... it's...

2006-06-13T20:21:00.000+08:00

my cousin's beeday!

Happy Birthday Steph!!!!!!XDDDDDD

is it okay...

2006-06-09T22:59:00.000+08:00

for me to feel this way?

somebody please tell me if it's ok or not..

cuz i'm scared as hell..

i'm not gonna put in any details na lang...

basta it's really freaking me out..

this is sooo the first time na nakaramdam ako ng ganito.

1 post, 0 jugs.

2006-06-05T17:53:00.000+08:00

wow.

my whole stay in the ateneo de manila high school cost me only that.

i can't believe it...

pero yan ang totoo.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

summer's just about to end now.. and thanks to a particular person this summer was my best summer ever..

lalang..

i'll miss those times... a lot.

and for sure maninibago ako... just don't ask me why, it's very obvious.

this is my one last shot for redemption..

i better not take summer remedial this year!
(if i do all my friends will kill me...including HER.)

oh well...

i just hope it all goes for the best.

why can't it be me for even just once?

2006-05-25T10:19:00.000+08:00

why?

does it always have to be him who has to suffer unknowingly?

why can't i stand in his place?

everytime we experience the extremeties of our financial plight, he's always been the one put on the pedestals of a cliffhanger.

it's not fair.

what ever happened to yin and yang? balance? where's the balance of suffering here?

my mum and dad have it.

my friends and i have it.

he and his friends have it.

so how come Kurt and I can't have it like we do in our other circles?

we should...

we must.

he won't be able to take it if he found out his schooling's hanging in a balance.

he won't say a thing but i know he'll be hit really hard.

i'm not just worried for him anymore...

i'm scared.

-18-

2006-05-18T09:56:00.000+08:00

3 months... and stronger.

i love you Kim.

=)

wala na akong maaaring hilingin pa..

2006-05-02T18:59:00.000+08:00

i know an update's been long overdue na, but i never really took the time to put anything of worth primarily 'cuz nothing was worth posting....

that is, until this afternoon.

i just came home from a Tagaytay-Binubusan trip with, get this, Kim and her family.. but of course who would forget our good old friends Macrise and Steph!XP hehehe... (btw, i just found out that Steph is my cousin...mga 2nd-4th degree ata..XP) we stayed at Kim's house the whole time until we left for Binubusan, Batangas for the pyesta going on at Macrise's old 'hood..XD well, ive really nothing to say but, for one thing, i've always prayed for a vacation like the one i had just recently... but who would expect that it's going to happen with me being tagged along by my girlfriend and her family right? hehehe... nung una nga sobra akong kinakabahan eh.. hehehe.. pero later on a was able to open up naman, and by the time i was waiting for my dad to pick me up at Mcdo with the Guevarras, naging errand boy na rin ako! sa wakas!! hahahaha.. seriously if there's one thing i love doing, it would be doing errands for my family AND my girlfriend's family... =) so there...

i could ask for nothing more.. i got to go on vacation, plus factor is that it's with Kim and her family, Mac and Steph, and that it's a whole weekend...

so what more could i say? (i haven't done this in a very long time..)

God - You know the desires of my heart.. and i thank you that it all went well...
Kim - thanks for the weekend hun....=) sana maulit in the future... i love you.
Mac - dod! sa uulitin! balitaan mo ako tubngkol dun!XD
Steph - pinsan! it's great to actually be able to be with you out on this trip and get to know you more..=) sa susunod na tambay! hehehe...

haha... wala lang...

2006-03-25T12:20:00.000+08:00

Greed:	Very Low
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Low

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com

Paul McCartney - My Love (well, most of the lyrics anyway...)

2006-03-24T11:53:00.000+08:00

And When I Go Away
I Know My Heart Can Stay With My Love
It's Understood
It's In The Hands Of My Love
And My Love Does It Good

And When The Cupboards Bare
I'll Still Find Something There With My Love
It's Understood
It's Everywhere With My Love
And My Love Does It Good

I Love Oh Wo......My Love
Only My Love Holds The Other Key To Me
Oh....My Love Oh...My Love
Only My Love Does It Good To Me

Don't Ever Ask Me Why
I Never Say Goodbye To My Love
It's Understood
It's Everywhere With My Love
And My Love Does It Good

Only My Love Does It Good To Me

lalala....

2006-03-16T14:33:00.000+08:00

gosh, time flies so fast doesn't it?

seems only like yesterday the 4 of us - that's me, Kim, Jamon and Hannah xp - were in front of the Church of the Gesu, with Kim seeing me go down on bended knees and asking her to be my girlfriend, with Jamon and Hannah witnessing the whole event...

that was on feb 18, 2006..
fast forward a bit, and it's now the 16th of march.

i knew time was going to take its natural course as it always does, but i didn't expect it to be this fast.. but then again, who'd be able to notice that, right? while we were dancing, i really didn't bother to know what time it was already, and this goes both while we were at the dancefloor and in front of the church.. neither did i really care about the strangers who surely might have seen me when i went down on my knees and asked her the question.. but, when i did try and take a look last week, i realized...

"malapit na pala'ng 18.. ang bilis ah.."

sure, i knew the 18th would come around anytime soon, but i guess i just didn't expect it to be this soon... i mean, it's just 2 days away, man..

2 days na lang, 1 month na kami ni Kim...=)

don't you guys get me wrong, okay? i may not expect it to come around the bend this soon, but i certainly am looking forward to it...=p

i can't wait...XDDDDD

-18-

2006-03-09T08:49:00.000+08:00

things have been going really different lately... don't get me wrong now, 'cuz i've never felt this great in a long time...

i know this shoulda been posted a long time ago but for some reason my procrastination got the better of me.. so there...

now, wazzap?

let's just say that i've been having this glow for quite some time now, primarily because of events that took place in the past month - aka prom xp - wherein it came true.. from the blindfold, to the dance, to the kneeling, all the way to the place where it all happaned, every bit of detail happened.. it was all a dream then..

now it's a reality.

i'm not going to disclose how it all happened, it's just going to be a secret between me, her, and our closest, most intimate friends.. let me just say that never in the 17 years of my conscious existence have i ever dreamed that i would be doing exactly everything that i did that night in the presence of my best friend, his date, and most importantly, her..

i guess i can't ask for anything more, considering that this is a legal relationship we're in, and i think that says a lot.. for one thing i promised myself that i'm going to be open with my dad about the next girl who gets to knock me off my feet.. and become open with him i did..

i'm so happy... not just for me, not just for her, but for us..

baby, i need not say anything more, but let me tell you this, like i always do...

i love you.. i love you, i love you, and i love you..

time goes by as fast as it came...

2006-02-10T01:16:00.000+08:00

who would have thought that the father i came to know as strong, macho, and sometimes harsh yet love so dearly will actually just walk into my room with tears in his eyes?

for one thing, i didn't.

never in my wildest dreams did i ever even think that it could happen, but it did.

he just came into my room with eyes that are on the verge of tears, saying, "anak, i just want to share something with you."

then the letters were revealed.

these 2 letters, the only ones my grandma, his mom, wrote to him back when he was in the seminary..(for those of you who didn't know, yes, my dad is an ex-seminarista.. but this was waaaaay back pa..) he then goes on by saying that "wala nang papantay sa pagmamahal ng isang ina para sa kanyang mga anak," while letting me read her letters.. and during this whole time i could only read and see tears flowing from his eyes..

"you miss her a lot, don't you, dad?"
"i do, anak.. i do.."

then the tears just keep flowing.. i couldn't stop him.. i didn't dare stop him.. this was the first time i ever saw him like that.. melancholic.. nangungulila..

i'm effing lucky my mum's very much alive and always kicking, hearing her nag us whenever we do our share of kabalbalan and kagaguhan, hearing her tell us that she loves us... even though i do not show my mum my emotions, most especially how i feel whenever she tells me that she loves me, it never fails to hit me... seeing her be the one working every summer and singlehandedly raising a hundred thousand bucks for enrollment cash back in our grade school heydays, bearing with dad's horrific temper, and all that.. it's been quite a long time since i last told mom that i love her, let alone thanked her for all the sacrifices she freely chose to do just so that Kurt and I can have great childhood and teenage years..

then dad says this:
"anak don't neglect the moments na sinasabi ng mama nyo na mahal nya kayo.. you're very lucky 'cause you can still hear her tell you that.. ako, hanggang tingin na lang sa mga sulat ng lola nyo..."

my dad will never get to hear my grandma's voice... she died years ago, back when i was in Grade 3.. well, maybe in his dreams she's rocking him gently and singing songs and lullabyes to him whom my grandma loved most dearly and, if i may say so myself, was the apple of her eyes among them..

"dearest son, i love you very very very very and very much.."
- from a mother to the son that is my dad

merry new year!

2006-01-01T12:52:00.000+08:00

....

love ko kayong lahat guysh....

Love You Forever

2005-12-22T14:45:00.000+08:00

A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang:

I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was two years old, and he ran all around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and he took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes his mother would say, "This kid is driving me CRAZY!"

But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of his bed; and if he was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

The little boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. he grew until he was nine years old. And he never wanted to come in for dinner, he never wanted to take a bath, and when grandma visited he always said bad words. Sometimes his mother wanted to sell him to the zoo!

But at night time, when he was asleep, the mother quietly opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep, she picked up that nine-year-old boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

The boy grew. he grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a teenager. He had strange friends and he wore strange clothes and he listened to strange music. Sometimes the mother felt like she was in a zoo!

But at night time, when that teenager was asleep, the mother opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep she picked up that great big boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

That teenager grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a grown-up man. He left home and got a house across town.

But sometimes on dark nights the mother got into her car and drove across town. If all the lights in her son's house were out, she opened his bedroom window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of his bed. If that great big man was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

Well, that mother, she got older. She got older and older and older. One day she called up her son and said, "You better come see because I'm very old and sick." So her son came to see her. When he came in the door she tried to sing the song. She sang:

I'll love you forever I'll like you for always....

But she couldn't finish because she was too old and sick.

The son went to his mother. He picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And he sang this song:

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My Mommy you'll be.

When the son came home that night, he stood for a long time at the top of the stairs. Then he went into the room where his very new baby daughter was sleeping.

He picked her up in his arms and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he rocked her he sang:

I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

to you.. you know who you are....

2005-12-21T22:53:00.000+08:00

i miss you.

yun lang..

all it takes is a little hypercharge....

2005-11-24T15:38:00.000+08:00

lapit na matapos exams....

leche.

ap, english, and computer... at least ang english kahit light studying na lang ok na... but computer and AP my goodness... magpupuyat na naman ako...

at least i don't hafta spend 6-7 hours on one subject ALONE, just like what happened yesterday... pesteng math yan..

oh well... right now i'm just look at the bright side.. blessed kahit pano... blessed nang todo... at sobra-sobra pa yung binigay sa'kin..

as for the last 3 exams....

all-out na to... after this i'm hitting the books na.. kahit wala pa akong tulog ayos lang...

words fail me at the moment...
so now i leave and look ahead to what tomorrow brings me..

another untitled....

2005-11-20T10:21:00.000+08:00

wrote this last night while i was on the phone.. finished at exactly 1:43 am.. and was still on the phone that time... go figure.. i have no title for it yet, but it's gonna get 1 real soon....

Naghihintay sa pagsikat ng araw
Nahihimlay sa malambot na kama

Hindi pansin
paglipas ng araw na bumabalot sa gabi

Nakabantay buong magdamag
Pinagmamasdan, nakasarang mata

Walang ibang nais
Kundi purihin at sambahin sa puso at isip

Bumubulong nang walang patid
Iniibig maging sa panaginip

Hindi man marinig
Himig ng hangin, awit sa gabi, mahinang dumadaing
Hindi pansin
paglipas ng gabing bumabalot sa'tin

Garth Brooks - Heaven Knows

2005-11-11T16:11:00.000+08:00

this song is just so effing sweet... heard it way back in Gr5... teachers' day nun to be exact....

There's no more waiting
Holding out for love
You are my Godsend
That I have been forever dreaming of
My angel from above

Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
I've played every field I suppose
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in you.

What is this feeling
I've never known before
That I should dare to
Swear to surrender ever more
That's what I came here for

Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
I've played every field I suppose
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in a wonderful daze
Lost in your wonderful ways

Heaven knows
When you're around
Baby I have foundI get lost

Heaven knows
I'm head over heels and it shows
I've played every field I suppose
But there's something about you
When you're around
Baby I have found
I get lost in you

friendship...

2005-11-06T09:06:00.000+08:00

is like hilaw na mangga....
pag kinalburo mo hindi na natural ang tamis..XDDDD

is like bagoong!
mabaho man, matamis pa rin..XDDDDDDDDDDDDD

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! XP

corny ko nh?XD

good morning guys!

sunday morning na naman... pohtek may pasok na naman bukas... ok lang... ok lang... it's all part of the estudyante blues... here's some of the things i'll miss though:

- everyday telebabad XDDDD
- everyday ym baybeh!
- puyatan to the sunrise

and some of the things i won't miss are:

- projectmaking
- pagmemorize ng 2 speeches!
- the insanely long Macbeth homework

what i'll look forward to in te future na ndi natuloy nung sembreak:

-alam n'yo na!XDDDDD heeheehee.....

loko din tlga ako nh? for one thing this really close friend of mine was right in saying na malabo ako..XP

ah basta.... it's a school day tomorrow and i'm gonna start again... this time talagang ndi na ako magbubulakbol... it's not yet too late... well, sorta... kc we barely have 3 weeks left before the freaking exams daw sabi ng class moderator kong saksakan ng taray...XDDDD

gotta go! gonna do my homework pa...XP

i never really cared like this before..

2005-11-03T10:25:00.000+08:00

i honestly didn't expect to see myself going as far as staying up practically all night just to keep a really really really good friend company at the time when it was really needed..

i know it may sound corny, but it's just my way of showing that particular friend of mine how much i care.. this is the first time ever that i needed to do something like that.. and i'm proud of the fact that i did..

now i'm not saying anything more so that i won't stir anything that might be taken wrongly here.. all that i'm trying to say is that i've never really cared this much until last night.. never before, man... never before...

=)

How Do I Love Thee?

2005-10-16T00:35:00.000+08:00

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.I
love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

soo long mah friend......

2005-10-06T22:26:00.000+08:00

it's been a while now since i last updated this thing....

well, for starters, field tripo namin in a couple of hours time, so, wheeee!

i guess that's it muna....

4 am - wake up, eat...
4:30-4:45- shower sa lamig, dress up, leave the batcave
5:00 - eta school, board bus
5:30 - leave school....

and off to banahaw i go!

....

2005-09-19T00:30:00.000+08:00

i miss you guys... all of you..

pixiedust.... is it of worth to anyone anymore these days?

2005-09-17T00:35:00.000+08:00

it's funny how the heck i'm able to ask this question, knowing that i'm tinkerbell....

well, not to some people i know...

nobody calls me 'Tricco' nowadays... it's either they call me Trix, Triccy, Yumul, that sort..

nikkey san juan was one person who got to force her way with ease into the now non-existent social wall, simply by calling me Tricco.. now i'm not saying that there was a thing, no, but it was a different kind of friendship we had.. sure, bonding moments were there, as is the case for all friends, but what made it special is its simplicity.. it was a high time for me, knowing that this person was an open book, and would openly talk about her daughter, in all her cuteness..

things changed..

Triccy (9/16/2005 10:52:17 PM): so what's up? iread sumthn n ur blog....
Triccy (9/16/2005 10:52:24 PM): *i read
Nikkey (9/16/2005 10:52:59 PM): which blog?
Triccy (9/16/2005 10:53:06 PM): tblog
Nikkey (9/16/2005 10:53:20 PM): which one?
Triccy (9/16/2005 10:53:42 PM): it rly alarmed me, what i read
Nikkey (9/16/2005 10:54:09 PM): i know
Triccy (9/16/2005 10:54:34 PM): you saw my commrnt did you?
Nikkey (9/16/2005 10:55:10 PM): yep
Triccy (9/16/2005 10:55:31 PM): i couldnt believe it....
Nikkey (9/16/2005 10:56:36 PM): i couldnt either
Triccy (9/16/2005 10:58:19 PM): idk if this is gna help, but, i cried hard after reading....
Nikkey (9/16/2005 10:58:30 PM): why?
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:00:01 PM): cuz you're my best friend... and after what ive seen you go through then and now, it just shatters me to see you in such pain...
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:01:30 PM): pero, ala na rin ako magawa... kc andyan na eh...
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:01:44 PM): hayyy
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:01:47 PM): ill be ok
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:01:50 PM): eventually
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:02:20 PM): i know...
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:02:32 PM): pero kaw na rin nagsabi na tis gonna be hard....
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:02:42 PM): and i see that too clearly...
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:02:52 PM): i miss him
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:02:55 PM): so much
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:03:02 PM): i know...

if i had the chance to i'd drop by at her house to just say hello... pero ndi pde eh.. i know... it pains me to see my best friend in such pain.. if i could only turn time back i would.. but alas, i can't.. i don't have the power to...

Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:03:33 PM): how ru?
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:03:35 PM): what's new?
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:04:01 PM): eto.. im gonna lunch out with Inez and Kim at 12 after ACET...
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:04:45 PM): how's she?
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:05:57 PM): super busy in school, along with the whole neverland peeps.... kaya nga i moved my bday treat for them sa sembreak eh....

birthday.... onga pala noh? malapit na sept26.. im turning 17 already.. another year has ended, and a new addition shall arise... and im glad to know im spending it with friends... the most important friends....

Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:06:14 PM): oo nga pla bday mo!
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:06:19 PM): sorry i forgot
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:06:27 PM): grabe one yr na pla nakalipas
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:06:36 PM): no, it's okay... naiintindihan ko naman eh... no worries...

if you knew what nix is going through right now malilimutan mo na magtampo dahil nakalimot cya na bday mo.. but that's never been a problem with me.. i always try to see things from all angles... it's been one year since ive been on my first date.. yeah, nikkey was my first date, though not my girlfriend.. in fact it was the day before my bday eh... sept25.. we watched "The Terminal," ate at Mcdo, went to Jzone, and spend the whole time after just walking around Ortigas until my mum arrived..

Triccy (9/16/2005 11:07:02 PM): to tell you the truth you're the one person i wanna spend my bday with... lalo na this year..
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:07:29 PM): i mean, hello! you've been practically non-exixtent in Jzone since like forever!
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:08:02 PM): and on top of that, talagang namimiss na kita..
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:09:04 PM): i know
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:09:28 PM): i miss u too
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:09:29 PM): those bonding days

no offense to you guys pero... the kind of friendship nix and i shared is the kind that my dad had with my ninong way back, even if dad wasn't my ninong's best friend, which is the only difference...

Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:09:33 PM): shoot trix i gtg
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:09:51 PM): shucks naman....
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:09:59 PM): ok.. you go nix....
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:10:03 PM): isa lang pakiusap ko...
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:10:17 PM): please be there next week.. it's the 24th...
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:10:35 PM): text me a day before and on the day
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:11:11 PM): ok... but please please please make it... im treating Molly, Jobim, and two other friends... please make it talaga....
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:11:21 PM): lunch pla to btw..
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:11:35 PM): alright
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:11:39 PM): ill gotthere after work

a time too many to recall i find myself distracted during the messages at Jzone cuz i always held on to her promise one time that she'll go.. this was during the time that she's started working na.. masakit din minsan.. pero ok lang... i hafta understand.. right?

Triccy (9/16/2005 11:11:51 PM): ok...
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:12:04 PM): ok bye
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:12:17 PM): yeah... you take care.. as in really take care aryt?
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:12:20 PM):
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:12:51 PM): i will
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:12:54 PM): pls pary for me
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:13:01 PM): will do.. will definitely do..
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:13:19 PM): alright i really gtg now
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:13:23 PM): k..
Triccy (9/16/2005 11:13:26 PM): i love you old friend
Nikkey (9/16/2005 11:13:34 PM): wuvv u too

there's no hiding the fact that i love all my friends.. especially those in my inner circle.. you know who you are guys.. you may come from Jzone, school, the lunch bunch, Neverland... i love you guys, and you know that..

and to Nikkey... buddy, you know what im gonna say.. you know me too well.. you saw me grow along with Molly and Paolo.. thanks for all that.. now that it's you who needs a friend to get past this pain, you've got one right here.. i love you, old friend...

sleep well guys..

P.S. good luck sa mga kukuha ng ACET later in the morning, afternoon, and on Sunday..

"Could You Be Messiah"

2005-09-09T17:48:00.000+08:00

my heart could never feel this intense... let this be the song that echoes the cry of my soul.. the song that made me oblivious to the world, leaving only my whole being and the One who created me, loved me, cared for me, comforted me, and became a father, brother, healer, friend, Savior...

Could You be healer
To a heart that's been wounded
In a battle that's never seen
Could You be teacher
To a mind of confusion
Tell me what does this all mean

Are You deliverer
Of an imprisoned feeling in chains
Can You set my spirit free
And just one more question
Allow me this question
Could You be Messiah to me
Could You be Messiah to me

Could You be father
To a soul that's been abandoned
By a world too busy to hear
Could You be friend
To a helpless survivor
Can You take away my fears

I heard them all sharing
This newfound conviction in them
Are You all that they make You to be
And just one more question
Allow me this question
Could You be Messiah to me
Please be Messiah to me

Now i've been looking for someone like You
And i'm so tired, i'm tired
I've read every book and i've sang every song
My mind maybe right but my heart feels so wrong
Tell me how much further can my life go along
Which way do the roads lead where do I belong...

Are You forgiver
Of my most unknown secrets
Provider of all that I need
Could You be brother
The one who knows better
Would You now stand in the lead

When all this is over all the thunder and lightning
In the daylight just what will I see
The answers to my questions, to all of my questions
Could You be Messiah to me
Could You be Messiah to me
Could You be Messiah
Please be Messiah to me...

may today's unforeseen event be etched in my heart for as long as i may live..

i love You, Father.. i beg You , stay and never leave me.. even though i may forget, remind me of the most vulnerable of my moments, wherein You reached out to me, softly and gently telling me to come back home to You..

tumatakbo ang oras, naiiwan na ako ng panahon.

2005-09-04T14:06:00.000+08:00

..............

straight from the ovens of Chan studios...

2005-09-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

comes the first EVER full recording, "Masilayan" whose words and music are composed by yours truly and arranged by yours truly and my best friend/classmate...

guitars: ako.
bass: ako.
vocals: ako.
drums: jamon.
piano: jamon.

in short, we recorded this sa bahay nya, using his computer, on a multi-track software...

the lyrics are posted... it's like the previous entry... heeheehee...XP

ciao guys.....

exam's over! par-tay!!!!

"Masilayan"

2005-08-31T12:57:00.000+08:00

Di mo na kailangan magalit pa
Wala ka namang mapapala
Bakit ka nga ba nagkakaganyan
Ano ba ang nagawa nila?

Ch1
Hindi matagpuan, masilayan
Ano nga ba'ng kailangan para masilungan
Hindi na dapat magluksa, magbuhos ng luha
Tumahan na at lumipad sa alapaap

Wala nang ibang magagawa
Pagpasensyahan na lang sila
Palipasin na lang ang tampuhan
Ibaon sa limot at galak

Ch2
Ganyan lang talaga kadalasan
Nakakaapura, nakakaasar
Salubungin ang liwanag, dala ng umaga
Tikman ang pag-asang taglay ng araw

Ch3
Hayaan lang dumaan ang tag-ulan
Sisikat din naman ang araw
Tumulo man ang luha, wag mabahala
Bahagharing walang kasing ganda'y masisilayan - 11:00 pm, 8/30/05

Champ: "Sheldon would like to...

2005-08-26T12:27:00.000+08:00

acknowledge the presence of his teacher, Ms. Yumul."

how lucky can a mother get?XP

i know my mum is a lucky one... actually dapat ako ang lucky kc i got to chat with the MTV Pilipinas 2005 Best New Artist, Hale.... pero lucky ang ermats ko kc isa sa kanila student nya eh.. c Sheldon.. poohtek napakafriendly ng taong yun.... kung anung naging friendly c Sheldon, ganun ding level yung pagka-down to earth ni Champ.. pano ba naman kc the moment they went downstage, nilapitan ko na c Sheldon right? tapos nakita ko c Champ, na nilapitan at binati c ermats! grabe yan pare... that coming from a new band that hit it big time in no time...

sabi ni ma kay Shel ndi na raw cya mareach.. heheh.... pero astig cya kc kht na sikat na sila he still goes back to his roots and pay tribute to those na nakaengkwentro nya sa buhay nya..XP like my mum who was his piano teacher sa UST last sem!

so that's 3 CD's.... 3 CD's signed ha... yung isa sakin, yung dalawa sa mga friends ko.... 1 very special -ehem- friend, and one aquaintance...

well, exams are next week na, so baka malamang ndi ako makakapag-net the whole time... ok lang... at least may tugtugan pa ako... sa school, KFD opening... yun lang naman....

nga pala nag-absent ako, which means im gna hafta take 2 makeup tests... isa sa chem, isa sa religion.... natatakot lang ako sa religion... kc pag c sir Tiangco nagbigay ng long test he's gonna make you think on your toes talaga... pero that's good ha....XP

ayun.... sana mabigay ko na agad yung CD ni Kim.... malapit na naman ang sept 24 eh.. heheh.... badminton then eat at Mcdo, tapos tambay sa kung saan... sana sa isa sa mga bahay ng kaibigan ko... heeheehee... if not, im gonna ask dad to take us here sa bahay.... sana lang pumayag c erpat db!? heheheh... ayun....

1 week na naman akong in the shadows... exams na.... please pray for me guys...XP

and the bat has struck out!

laging mayrong umagang kay ganda...

2005-08-12T23:25:00.000+08:00

talaga lang ha? heheheh...XP

i guess i'm just happy na kahit andami kong sabit last week nakabawi ako this week...

1. timpalak harana for linggo ng wika... Jamon and Tito, good work!XP
2. we actually played "Umagang Kay Ganda" by Ray-An Fuentes and Tillie Moreno for it...
3. got to sleep after getting home today...
4. woke up to my cell's vibration and what do i find? inday telling me she's at KFC Katips! (wait... is this deja vu?)
5. yeah, inabutan ko cla inez sa KFC..=P

hayyy...... im blessed...

kahit na may isang sabit... ok lang... kelangan kong pumalya para matuto sa pagkakamali.. diba?=D

me just thankful...
kc lagi ngang may umagang kay ganda... heheheh....

catch you all at Jzone!

*drops like a log and gets into a nice long slumber*

dehins halatang galit sakin bestfriend ko...

2005-08-06T01:09:00.000+08:00

sobra lang.

sabit #2 for the week... bwiset.

untitled.... comments please!

2005-08-03T21:57:00.000+08:00

i find no more words to say to you anymore
i have told you my deepest emotions
now you know just how i feel for you
my friends say i'm crazy, but i still hold on to what's true

i may have been here before
the same road i've crossed long ago
though the memories have drifted apart
away into the dark
i know i lost all hope
but all that it took was you
and i'll find myself writing a little love song for you

though you may seem too busy to talk anymore
and it looks as if there's still time no more
when hope seems gone and drifted away
and you know you have to rest even for a while

you may not hear me call
the name that i yearn to hold
though we are apart, it seems to me we are not
here i'll be waiting in line
by the doorstep till i see your smile
till then i'll only sing a little love song

my stupid mouth... has got me in trouble..

2005-08-01T11:05:00.000+08:00

im never spaking up again, i swear..

if it's to be the cause of irritation to the people that i love and hold most dearly in my heart, im never gonna open my mouth and utter anything anymore..

i don't want to see myself being avoided because i tend to talk too much, to the point wherein i sometimes don't notice anymore how the people around me feel towards what i say and all that shef..

ayoko na.. i just stand a good chance of shutting myself.. kasi minsan once i start talking i don't know when to stop na... and to be honest naiirita na rin ako sa sarili ko.. almost everytime this happens.. not just at neverland, pero pati minsan pag sila Molly, Tim, Chuck or Cooks ang kausap ko.. i soooo hate this..

parang wala ring kwenta yung ginawa kong pagtatanung sa mga friends ko - esp. Inez, Kim and Cooks - way back nung 1st month of school... napunta na naman dito eh....

i went waaaaaaaaay over the line na naman.. and the line's just a little dot to me now...

call me cat and i backfire...
oh, im never speaking up again.. it only hurts me.
id very much rather be a mystery than finding myself wake up one day that all my friends have deserted me..

sorry.

just in deep thought.

I-You.. on the Bamboozling phase of the long weekend.

2005-07-22T21:11:00.000+08:00

wow... hello.

it's been a while now ain't it? let's just say that i am in another crossroad, but it's not as complicated as the other ones i found myself into.. i mean, i've already made known what's been hidden underneath all the velvet veil i tried to put around it for the sake of hiding it for the meantime..

it's been one helluva week for moi... midterms, i got only 2 flooped subjects to take care of.. the rest? maintain!

gosh.. time's been going by sooo fast, i can't keep track anymore as to how long it's been since the summer when tricydust bloomed... hayhay... it's been quite a while since all those events, including the date when i told Kim that i was crushing on her (do i really hafta highlight this one? i guess so... tis a very important event in my timeline, so pasensya na...)... too many things on my mind right now, i seem to be lost in deep thought... and i wonder why....

walang online sa neverland... ako lang mag-isa.. ayoko mag-isa.... boring, sobra... ang bagal ng takbo ng buhay ko pag wala cla... Jamon, Inday, Kim, Kari, Jami, KA, i miss you guys.... wala lang...

walang pasok sa Monday, so, wheeeeeeeeee!! heheheh... most of you guys would know what's on my mind right now if you knew me that well.... basta yun na yun.... excited, bored, apprehensive, all that stuff im feeling right now... mapapawi rin yan pag nangyari na yung gusto ko gawin.... anyhoo....

sabado na naman bukas.... Jzone na naman (wheeeeeeeeeeee!)... me gonna be able to be with my best friend in the whole wide world again!!XP lalang... im very excited to be back where i found contentment and light....

peace man....

is this what dreams are made of?

2005-07-10T00:53:00.000+08:00

are you kidding me?

i wouldn't know if im unconsciously wandering in my dreams again...

im buying an mp3 player for 800... pwede na nh?

hayhay.... i seriously dno what to put here anymore.. i am in a total loss of words....

but im insanely happy.. and i don't know why..

and i thank God... for everything...

you know i like it like this

2005-07-06T16:56:00.000+08:00

wala lang.

the week so far's been some kinda roller coaster of emotion for me... well, everything's set in front of me like a really big apple pie (yum... gutom na ako!) that's so tasty and juicy i can already feel it in my hands...

masarap ang apple pie pare... masarap... ito'y kasing-sarap ng buhay na ipinagkaloob sakin ng Maykapal.. sa sobrang sarap at linamnam, nakakaumay.. pero kahit magsuka ka na sa suya, hahanap-hanapin mo pa rin...

parang ang gitara... kahit mapatid ang mga kwerdas, rak on pa rin.. play as if there's no tomorrow... nagrarak-en-rol sa buong mundo, sabi nga nila Pepe, Mike at Wally..

parang ang kaibigan.. kahit na anong gawin mo.. sa hirap at saya.. sa tagumpay at kabiguan... hindi nagkakasawaan, kahit na nag-aaway na... hahahaha....

napagtripan ko lang naman...

right now im just bored... gna try and make songs again... it's been a while since i last finished a song, let alone make one.. i miss it.. badly.. it's like the core of the tricysoul's special "tricydust" that scatters all over the place where music is a necessity...

im turning up now.. gna do my math homework.. then im off to my own dreamland...

"...don't you know my friend.... i only like it like this.."

Los Lonely Boys - Heaven (no relation to previous post)

2005-07-03T08:47:00.000+08:00

Save me from this prison
Lord help me get away
Cause only you can save me now
From this misery

Cause I’ve been lost in my own place
And I’m getting’ weary
How far is heaven
And I know I need to change
My ways of livin’
How far is heaven, Lord can you tell me

Cause I’ve been locked up way too long
In this crazy world, how far is heaven
I just keep on prayin’ Lord
Just keep on livin’, how far is heaven

Lord can you tell me, how far is heaven
I just got to know how far, how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me

(translated from Spanish)
(You that's in a higher place
Send me down a blessing)
Cause I know there’s a better place
Than this place I’m livin’, how far is heaven
And I just got to have some faith
And just keep on giving, how far is heaven
I just wanna know how far

Los Lonely Boys - Heaven

2005-07-03T01:56:00.000+08:00

hayhay..... how far is it? can you tell me, Father? i just want to know how far it is.. =)

only 4 or 5 words can sum up my night... i am happy... truly happy...

thank you, Lord, for this blessed week in my life... i got to be at Jzone today to just worship You and give thanks to You... i saw my closest friends... i got to fool around with Jamon this week as if there's no tomorrow - again...XP thank you for letting me learn of another part of one of my best friends' life...

most of all i thank you for the gift of my family, my closest friends, neverland...

most of all.... thank you my Father for letting me be able to talk to Kim.. it's been quite a while since we last had a long talk over the phone... thank you so much....

in Jesus' name.... Amen.

- from a thankful and grateful soul whose week has been blessed to the fullest, even if he knows that he doesn't deserve all these blessings...

tricco.... is out.... with the biggest smile ever..

peace out guys...=)

i only realized til now that...

2005-07-01T14:27:00.000+08:00

i haven't posted for the longest time now...

a lot's happened since my last post here... ewan ko ba... andami nag-iba... i can't say that these things are avoidable, cuz, they aren't... only God remains constant... and im really glad that He is...

im blessed with the honesty of all my friends who've openly expressed their irritation towards me at some point in time or another.. i can't blame them.. kc it's them who's feeling it eh.. while i keep on ranting about the same things over and over again, they just sit there listening, and slowly getting irritated..

it already happened before... this time the difference is im gna do something about it... i dnt want the same thing to happen again, my barkada leaving me cuz of my makulit personality... dati it didn't matter.. well, now it does... so im not gna let them be the ones to adjust to my level.. it's gna be me adjusting to theirs....

adios.

i am in...

2005-06-26T08:05:00.000+08:00

confusion.

i know i shouldn't be worrying about this thing cuz it's not my problem pero why am i worrying? it's so senseless.. sumthn to do with my bestfriend.. not Molly, not Jobim, not Jamon.. basta ako na lang may kilala sa knia para walang gulo..

weird thing was the last time she was sooo happy with the beau.. now i find she's single again... not that emotions of a time long ago have come back, no, but i find myself clueless as to how it all happened.. i mean, we havn't talked for the longest time now, so i have no idea how she is... she doesn't even go to Jzone anymore..

bakit nga ba ako namumrublema ng hindi ko naman problema in the first place? ewan. basta alam ko sumthn went wrong.. that's all i can say...

for now.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i hope everything's alright..

on my side of the planet, things havn't been going that oh so well, either..

i never thought that my side that's easy to make kilig, and easy to make senti and cheezy, would actually manifest itself while im at Jzone.. it's very embarassing.. i mean.... anlabo tlga mehn!! as in sobrang muntik na akong tumalon-talon dahil sa kasentihan! grabe na to!!! i dnt know why though.... freaky tlga grabe.... hayhay... wala na magagawa.. nangyari na eh.. anyways.....

ill be doing my homework from 11-1... tpos lunch 1-1:30... 2pm meet kmi ni Zino sa ateneo high para i-drive na lang kmi ni dad to UP for the water samples from the lagoon, pictures, and all that... hayhay...

i miss neverland... lagi naman eh.. seriously i know i always say that pero i really do miss them... ahh, summer days...when Kim, Kari, Inez and I would go lunching out at Mcdo.... when we all played badminton.. without Kim the 1st time, with Hannah and KA the 2nd time... but school's here now and there's only the workload to do....

now why is it that i almost always find myself ranting about the summer that's come and gone by so fast? it's almost a month now since all the fun and the best things in my life came to be.. lunch at Mcdo everyday with 3 of my neverland, badmintoning with the Chans, Inez, & Kim, the hosting gig, last lunch with the lunch bunch for the summer, the ym sessions, the seemingly-endless conversations on the phone, and all others i know i will always treasure in my heart... i guess i just don't want to move on... it all happened so fast i didn't want it to end.. but it did..

hayhay.... here i am again ranting.. this could go on for hours so im just gna stop...

out.

sorry sa kasentihan, pero...

2005-06-11T02:07:00.000+08:00

i seriously wished that i lived in my own Neverland, where days and nights never end whenever i'm with all the people who mean to me.. i'm not trying to single out any of my friends here, im just wishing here.. after all, it's free right?

i am in thought.. what if there really is a Neverland in our midst? will it be exactly as what i see it as in my dreams? or will it be a big disappointment from the start? my own cliche-ish version of neverland is a place where time never ends and one is at his happiest... i know it's been overused kahit na version ko to.. but.. come to think of it....

i think Neverland is a feasible thing... actually it IS real.. it becomes real in the presence of the friends we hold dearly close to the heart.. it doesn't necessarily mean a place, actually.. all i'm trying to say is that when we're with the people we hold dearly close to the heart, Neverland begins... with them, time just seems to slow down, if not stop... one loses track of the time, actually, because of all the happiness surging throughout the restless one's soul, just by simply being with his friends even for just a while.. that while, no matter how short, seems like forever with them...

i know i have found my Neverland... and i can only thank Him who gave them to me.. they are my biggest blessing from above.. friends, thank you for showing me how happy life can be, even if the going gets tough sometimes, if not most of the time..

Inez, Kim, Kari, Jami, Jamon, you guys are my Neverland.. i know i can never express this in good enough ways.. that's why i can't thank God enough.. sana complete tayong lahat sa bday celeb ko.. it's gna mean a lot to me, cuz i'm at my happiest with each of you.. i miss all of you right now.. i love you guys..

estudyante blues train, bebeh...

2005-06-08T14:09:00.000+08:00

1st day.... 1st headache.. hahahah.... lalang.. i guess im just tired from this 1st day... and surprisingly, it WAS really tiring, even if i just sat my butt off the whole time.. meeting all the teachers and stuff like that... very... boring... heheh...XD

anyhoo.... i think i have good teachers this year.. class moderator pa lang ayos na eh.. c Ms. de la Paz.. she's my english teacher, too... she's not really that pretty, pero i think that should be more than enough reason for me, mr communications major wannabe, to actually be on my toes the same way i was back in my grade school and freshman days.. so much for that...

this is the part wherein i just pause and think a while..... (pauses)

so how does one get to live with 7-8 50 min periods per day!? mahn.... they still had to revert it back to the original... hay hay... wala lang...

i hope this particular friend of mine's alright.. she's still not in any mood to go to school eh.. well, who wouldn't understand after all that she's been through last school year? like i said, i hope she's okay...

well, well, well... bukas? lecture agad sa chem and computer... grabe na to ha! wala pa man 1 week lecture na agad! grrrr!! pero la na magagawa... junior high na eh, diba!? XP

ts raining... again. it's making me soooo senti.. in fact, nilalabnat na nga ako eh! heheh.. may namimiss ako... no doubt about that... say no more, tricco.. say no more...

i guess yun lang kaya ko isulat for today.. basta kung ano man ang mangyayari for this year, one thing's for certain... i'm not gna do anything stupid, and this year's for Him....

tink out.

steady lang...

2005-06-03T09:45:00.000+08:00

shet! nabura yung buong blog post ko!!!!!

im gna try to just redo it since wala na ako magagawa pa...

for the past few days ive been trying to keep myself steady because of the aftershock Revenge of the Sith brought... it's not in the events of the movie.. it's in the emotions and insights it brought me in MY life... iba na to eh... and to soothe the minor confusion a bit i've been talking to some friends from both sexes... and wow... andami ko nadiscover...

anyhoo... bka mayang 12 alis na ako.. going to go to Abelardo Hall sa UP to help out a bit sa recital ng music studio ng dad ni Krina.. malamang i wouldn't, couldn't AND simply will not refuse them..=) after all, it's because of them that i had experience being in a really good choir for a time..

nga lang may problem.. lunchbreak nila Inez bukas is from 12-1.. eh im needed tomorrow at 1:30.. so malamang baka magpunta ako sa last get together ng lunch bunch (with or without Kim) kahit sandali OR dehins na tlga ako ppnta.. eitherway, im telling Inez... text ko cya a little later...

i just hope everything's gonna be alright.... maybe there's something that He wants to tell me kaya nagkabuhol-buhol ang sked ko for this weekends.... wait.. not maybe... there is something He wants to tell me, and im too busy to hear Him calling me... i should loosen up... make time to talk to Him... it's been the longest time now since i last got to have a good heart-to-heart talk with God..

and i really really miss Him.

"a little sorry should make everything alright.."

and out na c triccy.

....

2005-06-01T12:25:00.000+08:00

sweet_guev: hey tricco, late night na noh! Wala lang. Lam ko offline ka. Pero la na din akong load eh.haha, wala lang. Miss na kita triccy! Haven't been hearing from you in a while eh. Wala lang. sorry sa attitude ko nga pala nung isang araw. Daming problema sa house and ung teacher ko nga it all piled up. Sorry again...Miss na kita triccy!Yuck ang pathetic ko. Haha, wala lang. Ingat ka and I hope okay ka lang diyan. Yun lang. Sige, take care. Sorry sa abala.

i miss you too, Kimmy...

out.

eye-opener....

2005-05-31T19:46:00.000+08:00

"train yourself to let of go of everything you fear to lose."

this is probably one of the hardest things to do...

i hafta thank Nikki for popping this line in our IM session just now.. it really opened my eyes and made me think about all that's been happening.. i realized that ngayon pa lang i hafta start training myself to let go of those who mean sooo much to me.. lalang...

with this in mind i slowly think about those who mean a lot to me.. a lot of names came in mind, actually... pero, there's a name that kinda made me think twice.. im not gna mention the name - although most of you guys here know who it is..- para wala na lang gulo... all i can say is that this person is one of the most important, if not the most important, guys ive come to know in this one-way road we'd all call life... ewan ko ba kung bkt... the thought of losing the person scared me, quite frankly.. i dno.. pero i really hafta train myself, so that the pain would be a little more bearable.. no, i'm not saying that the pain will all go away, cuz it won't, pero magiging mas magaan cya, even if it's just a little...

trix is out... with the thinking cap..

feeling..

2005-05-31T08:29:00.000+08:00

contented...

birthday pla ni aika kahapon... nakalimutan ko.... oh, well.. so much for ex-girlfriends... pero salamat sa reminder Anj..

i feel lots better.. my life's back on track, and i intend to keep it that way..

can't wait for saturday... Jzone + the lunch bunch = funfunfunfunfun!!!! heheheheh.... lalang..

ill be out now.. going with Kurt to school.. apparently he forgot to sign up for his CSP post... patay na to pag wala nang ibang choice.... oh, well.. kasalanan din nmn nya.. heheh..

and im out!

so now what?

2005-05-30T09:10:00.000+08:00

still dazed.

Kim texted in last night... said that everything's okay na with Inez.. thank God at ayuz na yung prob na yun, and was dealt with in the right way.. i feel good about it, but there's still something that's gna be bugging me till the end of the summer...

is the lunch bunch still the lunch bunch?

i mean after all that just happened - which happened all so fast - to our lives these past 2 weeks, will we all be able to actually just leave everything in the past behind and pick up where we left off before all of this happened? i know for one thing that this could leave an indelible notch in our memories, and that's a sure thing.. not that i'm still in pain or anything, but it's just one of these times wherein i start asking myself if it was worth it.. i read before at a friend's blog that a friendship isn't a friendship until the first fight happens.. i hope that this is true.. wala lang.. i am in deep thought, cuz it came to the point where i had to choose.. and to be honest with all you folks, i didn't have any gall to choose.. but i'm glad that this is all over... so they say.. relief.

so, now what's next? what's there to be discovered again? will we be starting all over again? i sure hella hope so.. school year's coming up in like a week's time, and i'm surely gna miss all of them - the lunch bunch, the badmintoners, the tambay session at Kim G's house, yung dapat na tambay session at Jamon's Pt. before summer's end, all that... we're all in the next phase.. seniors na sila Kari, Kim and Inez... juniors na kmi ni Jamon.. apprehensive.

clouded, the boy's mind is... better yet, clouded, MY mind is...

so what? do i make shouts? guess so, guess not... oh well... let's just see what's in store this week.. then i'll tell you if this week's worth it... but for now...

i'm out.

feeling...

2005-05-29T09:54:00.000+08:00

better. sorta and kinda better...

nuff said i guess.

what if...

2005-05-28T08:06:00.000+08:00

i just can't help but ponder on the things that have been happening in my life... well...

things got only worse than it started out.. it became more of an entrapment than a web of trouble.. as it is, it's not getting any better, and i've come to this part of the road i never even dreamt of crossing...

i hafta choose.

to tell you honestly i have NO idea what to do.. i got caught in the middle of something that could have been prevented, but was chosen to happen.. not that i had nothing to do with it, which i do have little, since i was the one who invited one and let go of the other, knowing well that the latter might not be allowed to go, since i only learned of the cancellation of plans the day before Tim's big night, that is, his self-produced battle of the girl bands..

you want to have it straight? okay.. i'm torn between making an unusual decision for the one that i love most dearly and standing by a friendship that in so short a time has been so important to me.. i'm afraid to lose both of them.. if i choose to do one i'll lose the other end of the pole.. it's a no-win situation here, although i'd like to think that "things aren't always as bad as they seem," as my good friend Cooks Araneta told me last night..

i don't know.. i don't know what to do, feel, or even think.. this is about to become too much to bear for me.. maybe i should just quietly slip away into oblivion, as i always did before.. it's an easy way out, that's for sure... but.. this is different.. running away would mean that i don't know how to deal with it... but how will, let alone how can i deal with this?

i'm breaking down slowly but surely.. the crossroad i'm faced with has put me into this state wherein i don't know where to go, who to run to or help, even what to feel.. it's getting the best of me, and i've begun to lose my grip.. this is killing me.. if only i didn't make that mistake, then this wouldn't have happened.. if i hadn't done that friendships wouldn't be on the line.. not that im trying to inflicting self-pity upon myself but this is how i really feel about this thing..

behold, Tricco, the road you have chosen to take.. it has been divided into two parts... choose one, and you can never go back to pass thru the other one..

i am dying.. i don't know how to choose.. it's too much. for just a short moment i am not going to be tinkerbell.. im going to be Trix until this is settled..

if it gets settled even..

BnL addiction...

2005-05-26T09:48:00.000+08:00

you can be my yoko ono..

it's all been done..

who needs sleep? be happy with what you're getting, there's a guy who's been awake since the 2nd world war..

it's time to pick up your shoes, go ahead and choose sadness..

it's the perfect time of year...

if you ever do, i'm warning you. i'll be the first to crucify you..

- lines from Barenaked Ladies songs

recollections from the past life.

2005-05-24T09:20:00.000+08:00

im no longer using the 'bleem' i used to have in my livejournal and in my multiply diary, primariliy because it's been the longest time now since i last used any of those 2 previous diaries.. i don't use my lj anymore - well, except for whenever i make a comment to some friends' posts and stuff.. and my multiply diary, not so much anymore..

if Mark never found the answer to his question, why i betrayed him, the same goes for me, except that my question is:

"bat ako naging tanga by taking the girl he loves from him back then?"

yes, it happened back in 7th grade.. it cost me a lot of things - my newfound reputation as the batch loser, being hounded by that bastard Jose Antonio Vergel de Dios (and i swear i will NEVER stoop down to his level of insecurity..asshole.) for no apparent reason till the eve of gradution, among other things..

most important of all, i lost Mark.. my bestfriend for so many years.. all because i followed what the heart told me.. but is it really the heart that dictated me to inflict the most painful stab, just like Julius Caesar being stabbed last by Brutus, who was considered Caesar's best friend? or is it more of the hyped emotion? i guess i'll never find out.. the point is that it became true with myself and Mark, that your best friend can become your worst enemy.. i deserved all the treatment i got.. from him, from my batchmates, later on from her.. yes, from her..

i have long feared that my sins would come and visit me.. this line's from The Patriot starring Mel Gibson... yes, i also fear that the day would come when it would take its toll on me..

and i still cry about what i did to Mark... i never got over the fact that i was the one who destroyed everything.. ive never quite forgiven myself for that.. i know he's still having bitterness about it, and i dnt blame him...

sana hindi to maging isang napakalaking turn off...

tink out.

i feel.....

2005-05-22T22:50:00.000+08:00

strange.

for some unknown reason i feel very funny... i dunno.. basta whatever it may be, steady lang ako..

or at least, i try to be..

tink out.

i feel.....

2005-05-22T09:06:00.000+08:00

blessed.

after last night's events, what more can i ask for? nakalibre na nga ako ng entrance sa battle of the girl bands (yes, it was, after all, entitled Summer Scram Showdown), naghost pa ako.. i got partnered to Tiff Mallillin na nga, nahatak pa ako sa Shakey's.. what do i get? i become Mallillin's Music Productions' house emcee.. heheheh... i can't believe that what started out as a thing para makalibre ng entrance dun - alam kong mali tlga - ended up being the answer to one of my long-forgotten prayers - that is, to have a hosting gig.. i couldn't ask for anything more..

shouts:

God - You are truly great for making last night's event a very successful one, to the point that You stopped the heavy rainfall and filled the place with people.. Thank You, Lord..

Chuck - o yan! alam mo na nangyari sakin kagabi ha! it's over, sabi mo nga! hehehe... kudos sa "nagsisisi" pareh... rak on!

Uneven band - you guys rocked the house and kicked big butt last night! lupet ng erotomania chka overture 1928.. going pro na to! heheheh..

The Mallillins:

Tito and Tita - salamat po for counting on me last night in hosting the event with Tiff.. also salamat po sa treat nyo sa Shakey's last night... these are very much appreciated.. =D

Tim - oy! lupet nating lahat kagabi! sa uulitin chong!

Tiff - the best co-host ive ever been partnered with! you were sooo full of flair and style last night! add to that the great vocal pipes sa set 1 ng Uneven band..

Tim and Tiff - the best dinnertime at Shakey's.. =D nuff said..

lahat kayo: Tim, Tiff, Cooks, Chuck, and everyone who knows this - ngayon klala nyo na.. =D heheh.. no comment anymore.. the best kayong lahat!

tink out... with a very wide smile..

i feel.....

2005-05-21T08:16:00.000+08:00

blessed.

in a couple of hours from now i will be preparing to go to Chuck Araneta's house with all the necessary pieces of clothing i shall use tonight.. what's so special? i will be having a hosting gig tonight - after 3 freaking years!! woohoo!!! - at Tim's self-produced battle of the girl bands.. i am partnered to his lovely and vivacious sister, Tiffany, which makes it cool cuz it's the 1st time im to have a female hosting partner.. every year kc dati sa grade school laging classmate eh.. heheheh....

so bale here's the timetable (at least my timetable...):

7:15 am - open computer, go online
10:00 - call Kim up, a little chika
11:00 - give clothes to be ironed to Ate Nel
11:15 - bath time, watch a little MTV
11:30 - dress up, chillax, pack needed wardrobe
12:00 - go to Chuck's house
1:00 pm - soundcheck at Albergus
6:00 - show starts

uhh... if there's anything i'm really wishing and praying for, it's that payagan pumunta cla Kim tonight, kahit ndi na nila tapusin yung show.. basta makapunta lang cla.. lalang...

shouts:

Kim - good morning, peterpan!! =D call you later!=P tell me good news ayte? hehehe..
Chuck - oi Chuck pare! kitakits maya sa bahay mo..=P
Tim - oi papa! mamaya na! heheheh.. kitakits!
Tiff - heya! have you found the perfect top na?=D lalang.. heheh.. catch ya later!
Jzoners - ill be missing you guys today! see y'all next week!

tinkerbell out.. and happy.

i am..

2005-05-20T01:40:00.000+08:00

scared.

without a doubt i truly admit that i'm scared. why? there's only one answer.. i have come back to the road i thought i will never have to face any longer.. i am once more here, standing in the middle of the crossroad that almost turned my whole life into shambles.. i stand on the same battleground i swore never to fight on..

tink out.

tarlac.....

2005-05-19T08:41:00.000+08:00

rocked my socks.

kaso mo i was tortured at the sight of 4 , that's right, 4 branches of Mcdo placed strategically around the area... bwiset. tuloy namiss ko lalo ung lunch bunch.... ok lang.. had loadsa fun nmn eh... so, no fuss..

ndi ko lam kung ano sasabihin ko eh... kc it was simply great.. being one with nature has this feeling that nothing can compare to... lalo na the wind.. it's whoa... cge na nga.. ill out na..

tink out... and bored.

leaving...

2005-05-18T07:01:00.000+08:00

leaving for Tarlac in a while.. just gna keep this short... that's it.

shouts:

Kim - good mornin peterpan..=D ill definitely be missing you today..=P

tink out.

i can't believe...

2005-05-17T00:20:00.000+08:00

i survived the day... wala lang... most of you guys know what im talking about here... lalo na c cooks, who by the way has been with me everytime i go online in my giddiest - if there's such a word in the conventional english vocabulary - moments.. heheheh... lalang... just fun to think na we weren't even formally introduced.. itsch true! nangyari lang we just started talking the day of the interaction kc we knew we were both Jzoners and then poof! a couple of months later she became one of my really good friends in and out of Jzone.. lalang... she's a real blessing.. i think i oughta share this with her some time... let's just see...

well im just happy, and i freakishly don't know the reason why.. maybe because i just got to prove that my world doesn't revolve around one person alone...yet.... or maybe i just got to chillax and seriously take it slow? i dno... basta i'm happy... and thankful that i am..

shouts for tonight? well... ill try...

cooks - you know everything about me already.. in soo short a time i got to open up my whole shell and tell you my story..=P thanks for always listening and never tiring from hearing what i hafta say in both my dullest and most kilig moments..= )

kim - yes, i missed you (as is the case everyday.. *wink*)...=) i hope you had fun with your friend today...

chuck - kitakits sa shack mo at 1..=P

sa d12 ko - kitakits tayong lahat!! kasama na ako!!! hahahahah....

i guess that's it...

tinkerbell out.

scribbles and thoughts...

2005-05-16T00:46:00.000+08:00

the best time today... Kurt's bday dinner was a blast... the mashed potatoes? the inihaw and pancit? champion pareh!!

talked to Kim today -as always.. lalang... same old same old... one thing noticeable though... panay senti lang ung mga songs na pinatugtog ko sa discman ko sa room... she by rivermaya... sa may bintana, hideaway, etc. by tito Ryan, etc... haii.. lalang... ngayon pa lang i miss her na... anlabo noh?

well it's an okaii kukaii day for me... just bored right now... talking to Gelli... downloading some songs.... old school rock... mga tipong led zep, aerosmith, eric clapton, that stuff... kicking by ass out to bed later...:p

good night guys... no shouts for tonight..

tinkerbell out.

shouts...

2005-05-15T04:01:00.000+08:00

since i wasn't able to save my longer post for tonight im just gna keep it down to the shouts... so here goes...

Kurt: what can i possibly say? you're 15 na and still getting better and wiser... happy birthday gago! harhar...=P
Nikki (Puyat): salamat tlga for passing 5 bucks load sakin knina.. very much appreciated...
Molly: sayang wala ka knina... who wouldn't miss his bestbud after 2 weeks ha? heheheh.. ill just see you next week then..
Kim: finally!! after one LONG week! heheheh... it's always great to talk to you over the fne... always is fun.... praying for your cuz...=P sleep well..
Chuck: o d12 next week ha!? you're my ride! same goes for the 21st..
Tim: all set and good to go! hosting here i come! kitakits!

sa lahat: tulog lang....

i don't know what to write today....

2005-05-14T10:44:00.000+08:00

i have no idea what to do or what to say anymore.. it's a saturday, and im going to Jzone, so, yaay!! gna see everyone again..finally.

i still miss her, and there's no denying to that... i decided to not make the usual every-morning call i do cuz it's kinda.. i dno.. pero bka tumawag din a ko a little later, so, yun.. sana she wnt be too busy by then.. of course i don't want to disturb in any way nh.. busy ang peterpan ko, and i should respect that.. nuff said..

now will i tell cla kaye, molly, and the rest of the inner circle? i dno.. it's just.. ewan. bahala na... im letting it all out later as the need arises...

for now ill just be here... sitting, waiting, hoping.. dreaming.

tinkerbell out.

nabobobo sa kakatulog.

2005-05-13T09:10:00.000+08:00

there're some things i want to put here sa songspot which i know i can't for some reason or another.. i know why, and it's kicking the living daylights outta me.. on a more fortunate note, though, it hasn't gotten to the point where my world stopped revolving and has focused on only one aspect of my life.. what kicks my alcoholically-challenged butt? it's on its way to being there na.. buti na lang i was confronted early on by someone i never expected to before things got out of hand.. to that friend, forever i'll be thankful..

anyhoo today's jumpstart was rather, uhh, unusual.. i dno.. maybe, after what i made chika with sa mga kachat ko last night.. right now i'm just browsing my message archive at ym, and just killing time... it is a friday and it's gonna be another long day.. at least, if i don't get to talk to who i want to talk to... labo no? most of you guys - and girls - know who i'm talking about, yet still some have no idea... malamang kc baka ndi nyo cya klala.. wala lang.. hainku.. eto na nmn akosh.. ranting and yapping about it again.. *talks to self* anu ba!? kari just talked to you last night about it tpos here you are, renting again on a friday morning.. mahn!....

i don't know.. sabi ko it hasn't gotten to the point na it's revolving on one aspect lang.. sabi ni kari IT IS on its way there... wait... not it.. I am on the way there...

or maybe i already am there.

tink out.

hinahanap-hanap kita...

2005-05-10T19:30:00.000+08:00

haii.. this day went very boring for me... excpet nung times na katext ko c Kimmy and nung nag-jamming kmi ni eliza knina sa ateneo high before her class.... haii... bored... i super duper miss my peter pan.... sana magtext na cya ulet.. haii.... ang short ng post ko ngayn... kc.. wala ako masabi eh... except for the fact that i miss Kim.. a lot lot...

shouts:

Kim - miss you na tlga peter pan koo... text k nmn... =D heheheh... ill be waiting..
KA - great time chatting with you! sa uulitin!
Nikki (Puyat) - thanks for bearing with me in my senti mood swing..=P
Inez - naku day!! salamat sa walang sawang pakikipag-usap skn ngayong araw na toh...=P
Eliza - great time jamming knina! glad that you liked my song..=)

tinkerbell out.

She - Rivermaya

2005-05-10T08:26:00.000+08:00

now this song may not be penned by Tito Ryan, but this song by Mike Elgar of Rivermaya just expresses in a very simple way yung love nya para sa kanyang misis.. heheheh... i'm such a sucker for love songs, aren't i?

Chorus
She's so fine, it's just amazing
I can't help but just keep staring

Like a magic spell found only in my eyes
that i can share
that i will share

Like a rainbow bright up in the sky
and she don't care
coz she don't care

Chorus

Like a smile that hides away her pain
that she can share
that she will share

Look into her eyes and you will see
that she don't care
coz she don't care

instrumental

i'm amazed that the world could be
so beautiful
so beautiful

And for the first time in my life
i'm not afraid
i'm not afraid to live

She's so fine, it's just amazing
She's so fine, it's just amazing
She's so fine, it's just amazing
She's so fine, it's just amazing

i wish i could write something as simple yet as comprehendable as this.. super simple lang yung words na ginamit nya, but it all means the world to him.. malamang, kc he wrote this nga for his wife... lupet...

tink out.

Torpe

2005-05-10T08:17:00.000+08:00

I
ano ba ang dapat sabihin
kelangan ba talagang aminin
hindi kaya ako magmistulang tanga
ano kaya'ng aking mapapala

Pre-ch1
dehins ba nya nakikita
masilaya't madama man lang
bakit di n'ya maipinta
awit ng sa kanya'y humahanga

Chorus
Hindi ko na kayang itago pa sa'yo
Hindi ko mapigilang amining may kaba
Hayaan nang lumaya kahit sandali lang
Awitin ang dalangin ko para sa'yo

II
ilang oras na akong nag-iisip
ilang araw na rin ang umiidlip
hindi ko lang alam ang gagawin
hindi pipwedeng umasa na lang sa ngiti

Pre-ch2
hindi pa ba malinaw
kelangan ba akong magwala
kailan pa mapipinta
awitin ng sayo'y umaasa

dapat naka-post to last night pa...

2005-05-10T07:09:00.000+08:00

i woke up to a bright Monday morn feeling all shitty and stuff, after the unexpected events of last Sunday which only Jamon knows.. but im hella glad i went to play at Don Antonio with the crew - Inez, Kim, Jamon, Jami, and 2 new others - KA and Hannah.. why? kc at that point in time all the sadness went away.. they all took it away in a whiff.. ayun.. moving on..

we hung out at peterpan's house... but i had to be fetched at 6... and i really felt depressed, kc i was really expecting to be able to hang out with them for a longer period of time.. but the choice was not mine to make, so i had to leave... before i left though, i was given sumthn seemingly normal for friends, but extra special to me that time.. grabe... Jamon, Kim and Inez just completed my day with hugs.... hahahah... wala lang..

oh, yeah.. i asked Kim's dad na if i can take her to my prom! hahaha! super aga noh!? pero ok lang... kc im sure it's gna be wirth it...

i went home feeling very happy and contented.... it made me realize that... sometimes, all you need is a hug...

shouts:

Jamon - disipulo!! salamat sa pagtambay kahapon.. you just put the 'eh' in funneh, mehn! harhar...

Kim & Inez - peterpan and inday.. how can my day be complete without you guys? i swear if not for the two of you and Jamon walang kwenta araw ko...

KA - heya KA! it's great to have finally met you! looking forward to more tambayan sessions with you and the whole crew.. =)

Hannah - naku sorry at ndi na kta napansin nung paalis ka na! i was really confused that time kc ndi k pa nakukuha change ko from buying drinks... sorry tlga...

everyone - you guys are simply the best.. i wish i could have stayed longer, but i had to go na tlga, so, sorry... sa uulitin na lang (kung may next time pa...)!!=D

tink out.

Hideaway - Ryan Cayabyab

2005-05-09T07:55:00.000+08:00

ang galing ng kantang to... wala lang... i just found myself finding it worthy to be posted..well, all tito's songs are more than worthy to be posted here...

a nice deserted beach lost in a field of wheat
a lazy jungle beat while dancing cheek to cheek
a sailboat out to sea, a small house in capri
two movie tickets free for only you and me

together we will find a hideaway
where we can stay from day to day
we'll find a hiding place
where we could promise a love we will cherish each day

i'd like a moonless night when all the stars are bright
if only you and i were holding real tight
i'l like to tend a bike or try a mountain hike
if only you and i were huggin' real tight

together we will find a hideaway
where we can stay from day to day
we'll find a hiding place
where we could promise a love we will cherish

from this moment untill forever
it will be you and me together

together we will find a hideaway
where we can stay from day to day
we'll find a hiding place
where we could promise a love we will cherish each day

i seriously dno how tito does it, but even though his songs seem simple, there's the magic that can only be felt.. im a sucker for these kinds of songs - simple but extremely magical.. i hafta admit i've always admired him as a songwriter... he's got an indelible influence in me, and i can't hide that... wala lang...

tink out.

shout-outs...

2005-05-08T08:13:00.000+08:00

it's a booring Sunday morning, and im feeling great!! hahahaha.... wala lang.. tomorrow i'll be joining my friends at the Commonwealth side of town to just play badminton, then go to Kim's house for a little gettogether afterwards.. wala lang... can't wait... seriously.. i'm all ecstatic to go and hit shuttlecocks already, not just with anyone, but with my friends (malamang dehins enjoy pag dehins kasama ang barkada sa pagpalo diba?)... but still i know i hafta wait patiently, although there's a lot of emotion, cuz there's great anticipation on my part.. ill be bringing a guitar - i hope - cuz i'll be unveiling 2 new songs to my barkada - one sa lahat, and the other for twinee.. (the other one for twinee... *giggle* lol)

so there...

this is the first time im doing this, so here's my blabber for today:

- God ---> thanks for the brand new day You've given! Can't wait for Your blessing tomorrow! =)
- moms ---> happy mothers' day!!! we wouldn't be this blessed without you guys.. thank you..
- Jzoners ---> i miss you all guys na! ill be there this Sat na talaga...
- mr. Tim ---> sorry ndi ako nakapunta chong.. hayaan.. ill make it up to you sa susunod... =D
- mga papalo bukas ---> kitakits na lang tayo!
- peterpan koo---> good morning!! good to know you slept well last night... see you tomorrow!! *huggie*
- Jamon ---> bwiset ka ndi ka na nag-online kagabi.. i waited from 6-9 pm ha! pero oks lang..;) bukas ha!

tink out.

steady boi. steady.

2005-05-07T18:32:00.000+08:00

i woke up to a very long and boring Saturday... there's ym, no friend to talk to over the phone, no Jzone.. although i woke up to a boring morning, it was nevertheless a great one, thanks to the great friend i most affectionately call my peterpan... heheheh... tinkerbell tlga..

so we fast forward into the latter part of the day and we find tinkerbell in a bored state... after taking time off bashing a little P.O.T. and a dash of Narda on Maya - my guitar - i ran through 2 of my compositions, the ones ima singing on Monday, then just fell asleep... to be awakened to the sound of my little cousin's voice telling me that it's time to eat na...

haii... so many things i wish i could do today... wala lang... im just waiting for the Chan sibs to go online, then ill be okay.. pero may kulang...

she's at Antipolo right now, with her family... i seriously don't think we can still get the chance to talk on the phone, since im betting she's gna be quite tired... wala din cya on sunday, pero, sanay na nmn ako ma-bore pag Sundays eh... i must say, though, that i miss her... ok lang kc after Sunday comes Monday, everyone's most awaited day... heheheh... wala lang... i miss my peterpan, and im not hiding it.. sana magtext cya or anything.. haii...

for the meantime, i can only say one thing: steady.

pero, if she sees this new post, eto lang masasabi ko to her: i miss you, peterpan....=)

tinkerbell out.

wala lang..

2005-05-06T18:21:00.000+08:00

such a great day... sarap ng gising...

woke up to a brand new friday which, as i expected, was a bore... hahaha... but i'm happily bored..=P thanks to my twinee who always manages to liven up the day and brighten up the light of the sun.. hehehe... nothing really unusual happened or was talked about... just the same old things... masaya.

i dunno if i should put this here, but i just asked twinee to the prom... my prom.. alam kong maaga pa mciado, but it's good to prepare early right? =D heheheh... yes, i was thinking straight when i asked her, so no one can tell me that im crazy.. seriously.. i mean, i should be going there with sum1 im really comfy with, and im sooo super comfy talking to her... and, i feel realy comfy with her around, so, yun na un... harharhar...

im gna miss her.. wla cya bukas and on sunday.... pero im gna get to play badminton with her na on monday (sa wakas!!!!! =D ) tpos hang out with everyone after pa..=P wala lang... blessed.

im sooooo bangag right now.... after all that happened today, i don't see any reason to not feel giddy... weird no? im feeling all giddy and stuff... like a girl... only m not... hahaha!

ciao.

btw, thanks for saying yes..=) you know who you are... see you soon.. *huggie* mwah!

Habang atin ang gabi....

2005-05-06T00:42:00.000+08:00

namumugto'ng 'yong mga mata
nais pa atang maglabas ng luha
hindi ko makalimutan pa
pangakong sa ati'y sariwa

hindi kailangang buhatin mag-isa
pasanin na sayo'y pampaluha
di mo ba makuha'ng puna
anghel na nasa tabi mo lang

hawakan mo'ng aking kamay
ibaling sa'kin ang lumbay
makikinig hanggang makatulog ka sa'king mga kamay
oras ay palilipasin
hindi tayo guguluhin
habang nasa atin ang gabi

hayaan mong ako'y pakinggan ka
alalayan ka sa 'yong pag-iisa
pakinggan ka sa 'yong problema
tulungang gumaan ang luksa

the female peter pan..

2005-05-04T15:50:00.000+08:00

weird.. well, not really.. kc in the chatroom, im tinkerbell to jamon and co., and there's supposed to be a peter pan... pero since im a guy, im one of tinkerbell's kind... and peter pan is a girl... hahaha! but.

who is the female peter pan (aka fpp.)? that's what everyone's been asking me... she is in the conference everytime nmn... it's such a shame they guys dnt know... sabi nya she dznt wna be vain... pero she doesn't know.. of course id try to make her feel pero.. ndi pa rin nya magets.. as a matter of fact she's even asking me who the fpp is... funny no?

ang kaso mo, it actually is her.

uhh...

2005-05-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

i got to talk to her again.. ahay! heheheh... araw araw naman eh! pero ang cool kaya.... andaming pwedeng pag-usapan.. wala lang... super sabog/happy/kilig/ndi ko maintindihan lang ako ngayn... eheheh... seriously though... it's great... it's actually like a dream, only it's not... i mean, check this.. it's not a common thing for 2 ppl who kinda like each other to just sit down and talk about crushing on each other, what the parents think of the other (lalo na if the conversation was unintentionally - nga ba? - overheard...hahaha! tapos normally nagkakailangan na if they find out that they're actually crushing on each other.. thing is though walang ilangan eh... weird, but it's a good thing! tuloy lang ang ligaya sa tugtugan.. pero wala lang.. ibang klase tong friendship nmin ni Kim... sumtimes even i can't seem to understand how it became possible.... but then again, there's God, and nothing is impossible with Him... coincidence? i don't think so... it's for you to decide... pero ako? im blessed.. blessed cuz even after telling Kim what i told her last Sat and last night, we still can actually manage to talk to each other na walang ilangan.... tagay!

i should have posted this last Sat...

2005-05-02T09:45:00.000+08:00

sabado.. of course i had to go to Mcdo, which i did, since it was the last day of the lunch club's review class.. as always Kim and Inez were there.. Abi was there, and who would have ever thought that Joao would be there! hahaha! anyways we had the usual string of fun... there's the stolen pics (hahaha!), the occasional harutan (and my gosh... Joao had heavy B.O. mehn!!! ew.), and the same old meals we've been taking since the 1st day of our classes... heheh.. wala lang..

i told Kim that i was crushing on her.. bka kc unahan ako nila Joao or Inez eh...hahaha! pero mas mabuti na yung sa'kin na nya narinig db? =) kya yun.. as in, simpleng blurting out lang... tpos wala lang.. parang walang nangyari... astig nga eh.. for a moment i kinda thought everything's gna change, but no! seriously it didn't... kc nung nag-alisan na kmi Kim told me sumthn i didn't see coming at all... and that i believe is sumthn i'll keep to myself.. basta i didn't see it coming.. pero it made me feel good about myself.. =) like what we told each other last sat, nothing's gna change.. the attention, the barkadahan, as in walang mag-iiba at all...

now it made me think... it made the friendship stronger, did it? for sure i know it did.. kc we didn't let it hinder the friendship.. harhar...

Sa May Bintana - Ryan Cayabyab

2005-04-24T08:55:00.000+08:00

kung alam lang nya... hainaku... what joy, mehn! but then again if she did, baka magcrumble ang friendship nmin.. of course that's the last thing i wna happen.. kaya dadaanin ko na lang sa kasentihan at kakornihan ko.. this song i first heard at Jamon's point - aka, bahay - nung kinakalkal ko ung mga CD's nya.. we were doing a project then.. now, months later, I found myself with Kurt strolling at Tower Records Megamall, tapos i just saw the "One More" CD sitting on the rack, staring flat out at me.. malamang binili ko.. CD ni Tito Ryan yun eh! then i listened to the 2nd track, and I was reminded about how I would always look by the elevator, just to see if she was around, or in most cases, if she came.. i know it sounds corny, but, it's the truth.. now this is the song that set me to tears because of that thought na i always endlessly hope that she be able to go to Jzone, and worship with me and hang out with me after.. funny thing is, it's not even that good a composition.. pero nadama ko yung emotion na gustong ipahiwatig ni Tito Ryan sa song na to, because that's exactly what I feel.. eto yung lyrics nung 2nd track..

Lagi na lang akong dumudungaw sa may bintana
Upang masulyapan kahit anino mo man lamang
Nagbabakasakaling ikaw ay lumingon
Ano kaya itong aking nadarama?

Araw-araw ako’y naghihintay sa may bintana
Nananalanging sana’y hindi ka pa nagdaraan
Parang bumibilis tibok nitong puso
Pag-ibig ba itong aking nadarama?

Ch.
Napupuyat sa kaiisip
Nababato’t naiinip
Laging laman ng panaginip
Di kayang magtiis isang araw sa may bintana
Nang di kita masulyapa’t makindatan man lamang
Tumitigil buong mundo sa tuwing ika’y nagdaraan

Araw-araw ako’y naghihintay sa may bintana
Nananalanging sana’y hindi ka pa nagdaraan
Parang bumibilis tibok nitong puso
Pag-ibig nga itong aking nadarama

Ch.
Napupuyat sa kaiisip
Nababato’t naiinip
Laging laman ng panaginip
Di kayang magtiis isang araw sa may bintana
Nang di kita masulyapa’t makindatan man lamang
Tumitigil buong mundo sa tuwing ika’y nagdaraan

Sa may bintana
Sa may bintana

what the hell was i thinking?

2005-04-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

Lena was there... Rica and Mej were there.. Aldrich was there.. Paolo was there as always... Molly's at camp.. Nix, as always, wasn't around... haii... to tell you the truth i thought i saw Gi talking to sum1 knina.. kala ko c Nix... turns out it wasn't her... haii... it almost, mind you, almost, ripped me apart from limb to limb.. this is what happens whenever i try to look by the elevator, trying to see if she made it.. i dunno why, but i just can't help it.. i mean, among the 3, she's the most special bestfriend... haii.... i think i oughta stop it here na... baka ndi ko na mapigilan umiyak... peace out doods...and doodettes..

untitled pa rin....

2005-04-23T10:46:00.000+08:00

until now wala pa rin tong title.... kinanta nmin nung gig sa hirit pa...

I forget what it's like to be alone in my thoughts
I haven't felt in a while that i'm free
They try and tell me, they say, "I'm wasting my time"
And i should be doing the things that could have been done
Instead of whining my heart away
And shedding tears of pain
Of bittersweet old pain

Chorus
So I tilt my head
And lay down in bed
Staring at he windowglass, not dreaming of a chance
Cause I know it's true
There's one thing for sure
I won't go now looking back

Now i know what it's like to be feeling melancholic
I haven't tried for the longest time to break free
I hear them tell me, they say, "Wake up from your sleep"
And I should be doing the things that could have been done
Instead of pining the pain away
Remembering how to smile and being happy

Time

2005-04-23T10:33:00.000+08:00

first post... kanta agad... anu ba!?

“Time”

Too many times I’ve been here
It’s more than what I can bear
It’s like I scream but I can’t hear

Too many words I can’t say
The sunshine’s just about to fade
I’m wasting all my time away

Pre-ch1
Then you come running by the streetlights
Taking me by surprise to the bright side
Then we walk headed toward the bayside
And I whisper to you, I say

Ch
Let’s take a ride
Rest a while
Feel the chill go down the spine
Take my hand
Close your eyes
See the sunset of our lives

So much time yet I can’t say
I suck it up and drink it in
I’ve been wasting all my life away

Pre-ch2
I see you smiling from a distance
Leading me to run to the other side
And we walk headed toward the bayside
Then you whisper to me, you say